Parenting Archives - Page 12 of 21

13/02/201515/08/2017

Where did my babies go?

Warm cuddly nights

A tiny hand wrapped around my finger

Baby hands reaching out for me
A spark of recognition in a bright pair of eyes
A toothless smile

Uncertain feet staggering around

A lisped out ‘mama‘

A tight hug after the first day at school

An invisible hurt that needed a caress

The best of time.

Then they grew up and all of that seemed a dream.‘I can make my own ponytail,’ she insists.
‘No hugs at the bus stop, please mama,’ says he.
‘You don’t need to watch us while we play,’ they roll their eyes!
No longer do they follow me around.
No longer am I needed all the while.

Where did my ‘babies’ go?

And then I see..

A half tucked in t-shirt needing attention.

‘Combed’ hair that refuses to sit.
A small hand tightening in mine as a dog strays too close

The call of ‘Come na ma‘ as they dance to crazy music

A ‘You have to read this one, mama.‘
A ‘just like that’ hug when I least expect it

That’s when I find them again.

Yes they’ll need me –
For cheering at the football match
For clapping at their graduation

For blowing up when they stay out late

For celebrating their first jobs
For crying at their weddings
For pampering their children

For that hug they’ll want but might not ask forYes they’ll need me always

and they’ll remain … my babies.Always!

Sending out warm wishes to everyone on Valentine’s Day. Hope you have a warm and wonderful time with your loved ones.

10/02/201515/04/2017

Girls and boys are good for each other

H is intensely competitive, specially when it comes to N. He likes to think that anything she can do, he can do better. However, at the same time he has quite a dislike for all things he has labelled ‘girly’. So it was with a bit of surprise that I discovered him making loom bands the other day. Apparently his competitiveness won over his dislike for ‘girly’ stuff.

ENGROSSED!!

Even at 8.5 years he is clumsy as ever and can do with some hand-eye coordination practice, as also with a hobby that involves him keeping quiet and sitting in one place for some amount of time (other than watching the telly). I was one happy mum :-).

Linking to Mel’s # Microblog Mondays . Do drop by to see how others are faring after the weekend.

Also, linking to ABC Wednesday for the letter E for Engrossed.

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On a somewhat related note I stumbled across this debate here on the Net about whether boys and girls learn best if they are segregated in single sex classrooms.

Research suggests children perform better in single-sex classrooms. Some maintain that the teaching pattern is skewed in favour of girls since sitting in organised classrooms works well for them while boys are better at hands on learning.

However as a mom to a pair of different sex twins I find myself disagreeing. Of course life would be much simpler with same sex kids, just as it would be easier with single sex children in a classroom. However the education we’re aiming at doesn’t have only to do with scores, is it? Boys and girls are different, that’s a fact. Their brains are wired differently, also a fact. Out of the classroom they have to live, love, compete and socialise with each other. The earlier they learn how to do that, the better.

H and N fight. A lot. Yet they have been teaching and learning from each other with no awareness of it. Without going into whether an ability is a ‘boy skill’ or a ‘girl skill, here’s how..

H might continue to be a Barbie destroyer but he has mastered plaiting their hair albeit shabbily, he knows how to make loom bands and, wonder of wonders, often remembers to put down the toilet seat! He makes an effort at drawing, crafting, singing and dancing again thanks to N.

As for N, she’s as girly as girls come but can throw a mean punch, enjoys computer games and is addicted to the outdoors perhaps even more than H.

Together they’re good!

30/01/201515/04/2017

When friendships change

Dear girls who play with my son,

Last time I found H in a scrambling match with one of you and took him to task. You remember that I’m sure. A few days back I found two of you again, walking away. One of you was in tears and the other, outraged on her behalf, for the same reason – a scuffle with a boy during a game, where her t-shirt got pulled.

Okay I’ll admit my first thought was, “No, not H again!” It wasn’t.

But that’s not the issue at all. The point is, there are some things you will need to understand when you play together. In a game that needs some amount of physicality, when one of the children is supposed to catch another (and count to ten while the other tries to free himself/herself), t-shirts will get pulled, dresses will fly, hands will be twisted, feet will be stepped upon.

You know the rules, right? You are the ones who put them in place along with the others. You cannot then, in all fairness, start to cry, or get angry or quit the game either. You will simply come across as a bad loser.

You’re growing up, I know. You’re becoming more conscious of yourself and the changes in you and that’s just how it should be. But don’t let it take away the fun from your playtime. Don’t let it take away from your friendships.

Soon you’ll all be grown up and out in the world – working, competing, playing and socialising with men, on an equal footing. Each time a situation like this crops up you cannot break into tears, you cannot get outraged and worse, you cannot withdraw.

You cannot.

If you do, just like in the playground, be prepared to be laughed at, or what’s much much worse, patronised by the others. You’ll hate it, take my word for that. Just as you will be left out of the game now, you will be shut out from the more exciting challenging opportunities to learn and grow and prove yourself.

Most importantly you’ll miss out on many many good friendships. Men do make for wonderful companions – easy, uncomplicated, fun. I say that from experience. And that would be truly sad.

For now, I’ll repeat the five simple rules I keep telling H –

1. Set the rules before the game – Make it clear what is acceptable and what is not. Do be reasonable and practical.

2. Dress for the playground – Wear sensible clothes: shorts, tights, jeans, running shoes.

3. Be prepared for some amount of rough play – It can be fun once you give up your ‘I’m a girl I shouldn’t do this’ self image.

4. Accept no nonsense – But don’t be over sensitive.

5. Assess the situation, the intention – An unintentional pull of the T shirt is NOT a bad touch.

Remember these rules. They work in the grown up world too – Set the rules, dress sensibly, be prepared to fight rough, accept no nonsense and asses an intention fairly.

For now, stop being girls or boys – just be friends.

Love and hugs

Mom of H.

Linking to ABC Wednesday , after a long long time, for the letter C for Change. It’s good to be back here.

06/10/201415/04/2017

#Microblog Mondays – Chests and Breasts!

“I want to run at the Pinkathon too”, said H this weekend. I spoke about how I was participating in it here and H got all excited too.

“You cannot”, said I, “it’s for women only”.

“Why?”

“Well because the race is to generate awareness about breast cancer and only women get breast cancer so the race is for women only.”
“Why don’t men get breast cancer?”

“Because men don’t have breasts.”
“But I have a breast”, said H pointing to his….well chest.

Apparently this is something I’d overlooked, using the unisex ‘chest’ rather than ‘breast’ when talking to the kids and they ended up using them interchangeably.

“Ummm.. That’s your chest, not a ‘breast’ “, said I struggling to explain the difference.

After a long drawn out explanation H finally caught on. Then nodding his head wisely he summed it up – “Oh so women have breasts on their chests and men just have chests.”

Yeah right.

Linking to # Microblog Mondays hosted by Stirrup Queens.

Edited to add: Going by the comments that breast cancer was not so uncommon among men any longer I decided to pass on the information to H. Here’s what he had to say..
“So some men get it too?”
“Yes.”
“Do some men also have a uterus?”
“No, they don’t.”
“Can you tell me a few diseases that ONLY men get?”

I’m off now..

29/09/201415/04/2017

#Microblog Mondays – Of Friends and Fitting in

A few weeks back as the twins were recovering from viral fever, they sat down to craft gifts for their teachers. H came up with this tippy-tippy-top flower for his teacher. He spent some time painstakingly making and colouring it, no mean achievement given that he’s not such a pro at either.

He put it away safely in his cupboard waiting to get well so he could take it to school. Then his friend dropped by. He looked at the ‘flower’, examined it and asked, ‘What is this?’ I was waiting for H to proudly declare ‘I made this for my teacher’. To my complete surprise he replied, ‘Oh this? It’s just something my sister made. I don’t know why she left it in my cupboard.’

If only he understood what his
favourite author said!

He was embarrassed to admit he’d made it!!

I cannot tell how saddened I am.

Long long back when he was a toddler he asked me for a kitchen set. He loves to cook. He used to take it down to play. Then one day he told me, “I’ll play with my kitchen set only at home.” And then slowly he gave it up altogether.

Of course that might have been a sign of changing interests, which would have been fine. But this, seems like pure peer pressure. My son is growing up and trying to ‘fit in’ and I’m scared. Not that he might not fit in, but that he might lose himself while trying to do so.

A big talk is in order! Any ideas how to go about it?

Linking to # Microblog Mondays hosted by Stirrup Queens.