I realise I haven’t written on the blog for a good two months. Time really slips by so very fast.
The saving grace, though, is that I have been reading and writing and creating on my other blog and on Instagram, so that counts for something. Creating reels has been fun, but it has brought home the fact, with even more clarity, that writing will always be my happy thing.
It all began when I decided to submit a story for an upcoming anthology. While I have been writing for a while, knitting together a coherent piece of fiction was a whole new game. But life is about trying new things, right?
No matter how old I get, trying something new is always frightening, yet exhilarating in a strange way.
Being an avid reader makes it tougher being a writer because once you’ve read world-class fiction, you know that you can never hope to get that good. And then you begin to think where was the point in doing anything when you’re not going to be good at it. And that, dear friends, is the worst kind of rabbit hole to go down.
If there’s anything I’ve learnt it’s this: the hardest thing to do is to put yourself, or your work, out there for public consumption knowing that you aren’t the best, knowing that you may not even be good and yet to do it anyway, because that’s the only way you can get better.
I needed to step out of my blog, which has been my safe space for ever so long.
This blog has been an honest account of my life, a memoir of sorts. However, writing fiction made me realise how much of myself I have been unconsciously censoring; curating some bits for the blog, keeping others safely tucked away.
Ironically, it is fiction that brings out those real bits. Which is why there’s a strange kind of vulnerability in it. Even though you’re creating made-up characters, they tend to reveal so much about your real self, your thoughts, your aspirations, your failures too.
And that is uncomfortable, at the very least.
I have always respected authors who can write entire books. Which is why I have never found it in my heart to make fun of Chetan Bhagat or the scores of others who have followed in his footsteps. (Not doing something well is fine, not caring that you aren’t doing it well, that’s what I continue to have a problem with).
There’s something humbling about returning to the beginner’s path. No matter how many years you’ve written blogposts or essays or book reviews, no matter how many bylines in newspapers you have, fiction demands a different kind of discipline.
This in no way means that I’m writing a book or anything as wonderful – these are just musings on why I find it hard to put down a 3000-word story. And that I’m trying, anyway.
Have you ever felt those butterflies of putting yourself out there? That time you first moved out of your journal onto a blog? Or the first story you ever wrote? Or the first one you sent out to a publication? Even the first time you spoke out an idea in a group.
Share?
Kudos to you for stepping out of your comfort zone and venturing into fiction writing. I am sure sharing your work despite doubts and reservations must have felt incredibly rewarding. Here’s to many more such opportunities—and to exploring even greater creative horizons
You, dear girl, have reached whole new heights of breaking out of comfort zones and inspire me constantly, so thank you for those kind words.
It is true, a lot of truth comes out in fiction writing, maybe it is the creative version of “asking for a friend”. Good luck with story writing.
Thank you Raj.
I can resonate with your thoughts very well, Tulika. Although I write fiction on my blog, writing a short novel takes a lot of discipline. I have many such half-written, almost-finished drafts sitting in my Google Drive. I’m sure one day I’ll muster the courage to finish them and submit them for publication, just like how I began blogging 11 years ago with so much trepidation and uncertainty.
You’re doing an awesome job, Tulika. I’m eager to read your published story in the anthology!
Vinitha recently put up this amazing post…Not In A Hurry
Good luck Vinitha. An ‘almost-finished’ draft sounds good. I do hope you find the time to finish it.
You know I used to write fiction before and I’ve completely lost touch now. Forget a 3000 words story, I’m not sure if I can do a 100 word one now. Perhaps I need to restart this and I loved writing fiction. It gave me the freedom to write the kind of stories I like to read.
Yes, you must. It’s a whole different kind of freedom.
You know, Tulika, I’ve always felt that you would write beautiful fictional stories, for even your random writings are so clean and engaging. I’m really looking forward to reading your story.
Reading or writing, give me fiction any day. About the nervousness when you publish your work: so relatable. Now that I’ve written many fictional pieces, I regret being too hasty and impatient while writing and publishing my first book. I could have done better had I spent more time on it. But then, that’s how you learn.
I wish you all the very best!
Tarang recently put up this amazing post…Book Review: A Temple of No Gods by Manav Kaul, Translated by Sayari Debnath
You’re always generous with compliments Tarang. Thank you.
I think one always feels one could have done better when it comes to creating anything at all. That said, one should still find the courage to go ahead and put one’s work out – that’s how one learns – even at the cost of cringing at earlier works.