Category: ABC Wednesday

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#Microblog Mondays – Just Do it!

Friends who have been dropping by would know for the past year or so I’ve been hooked to Zumba. I’ve blogged about it often. I can never get over the miracle that I can survive a dance class. Nor can my friends, it seems, since they use every opportunity to pull my leg about it, in a way only comfortable old friends can.

One day after a specially good session I happened to remark, ‘This track I can dance to, in my sleep’. And that was how I put my big fat foot right into my mouth. A little later, when the instructor asked ‘Who knows Bailando and can lead the class today?” I heard a bunch of voices chorusing out a name – yeah mine!

Damn!! Damn!! Damn!! was all my blank mind went while I tried to hide away wishing I would completely disappear. It’s one thing to stand in my inconspicuous corner and do my own thing and quite another to stand right there before the class. It’s like saying just because you can chat up friends you can deliver a speech – not quite the same thing huh?

This here was my nightmare.

However before I could protest, the music had struck up and there I was blundering my way through, forgetting steps I’d done scores of time, steps I knew well, steps that I did pretty well in my small corner! I wish I could say I was suddenly magically perfect like in the movies. I wasn’t. Let me just say I survived and wasn’t booed away. The girls are too sweet.

The best thing though is, that the dreadful dread is gone….. for ever. I might never do it again. But I know I can do it, I did it once, right? That’s so hugely liberating.

We shy off from doing things – fun challenging things – making a huge deal out of them. Sometimes we fear we will be less that perfect, sometimes we’re victims of our own self-image.

Breaking through all of that is freedom.

So from my new-found perspective I can tell you to dance that dance, sing that song, deliver that speech, run that race, get that LBD. Draw, paint, try a trek, take a dip in the sea – as long as you’re having fun and can laugh at yourself, chances are you’ll get by pretty well.

Don’t wait to be earth shattering. Don’t wait to be perfect. Don’t postpone joy.

Linking to for the letter D for ABC Wednesday. 

And to Mel’s # Microblog Mondays where we’re discussing superpowers. Do drop by.
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When friendships change

Dear girls who play with my son,

Last time I found H in a scrambling match with one of you and took him to task. You remember that I’m sure. A few days back I found two of you again, walking away. One of you was in tears and the other, outraged on her behalf, for the same reason – a scuffle with a boy during a game, where her t-shirt got pulled.

Okay I’ll admit my first thought was, “No, not H again!” It wasn’t.

But that’s not the issue at all. The point is, there are some things you will need to understand when you play together. In a game that needs some amount of physicality, when one of the children is supposed to catch another (and count to ten while the other tries to free himself/herself), t-shirts will get pulled, dresses will fly, hands will be twisted, feet will be stepped upon.

You know the rules, right? You are the ones who put them in place along with the others. You cannot then, in all fairness, start to cry, or get angry or quit the game either. You will simply come across as a bad loser.

You’re growing up, I know. You’re becoming more conscious of yourself and the changes in you and that’s just how it should be. But don’t let it take away the fun from your playtime. Don’t let it take away from your friendships.

Soon you’ll all be grown up and out in the world – working, competing, playing and socialising with men, on an equal footing. Each time a situation like this crops up you cannot break into tears, you cannot get outraged and worse, you cannot withdraw. 

You cannot.

If you do, just like in the playground, be prepared to be laughed at, or what’s much much worse, patronised by the others. You’ll hate it, take my word for that. Just as you will be left out of the game now, you will be shut out from the more exciting challenging opportunities to learn and grow and prove yourself.

Most importantly you’ll miss out on many many good friendships. Men do make for wonderful companions – easy, uncomplicated, fun. I say that from experience. And that would be truly sad.

For now, I’ll repeat the five simple rules I keep telling H – 
1. Set the rules before the game – Make it clear what is acceptable and what is not. Do be reasonable and practical.
2. Dress for the playground – Wear sensible clothes: shorts, tights, jeans, running shoes.
3. Be prepared for some amount of rough play – It can be fun once you give up your ‘I’m a girl I shouldn’t do this’ self image.
4. Accept no nonsense – But don’t be over sensitive.
5. Assess the situation, the intention – An unintentional pull of the T shirt is NOT a bad touch.

Remember these rules. They work in the grown up world too – Set the rules, dress sensibly, be prepared to fight rough, accept no nonsense and asses an intention fairly.

For now, stop being girls or boys – just be friends.

Love and hugs
Mom of H.
Linking to ABC Wednesday , after a long long time, for the letter C for Change. It’s good to be back here.

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K is for kiddie talk

My blog’s in imminent danger of dying… of boredom. Hence today I bring out my star performers to perk things up – my bachchas – a tried and tested way to infuse some life in this space. 

They’re growing up fast and instances of me laughing at their expense are getting fewer. Not far is the day when they’ll be laughing at me. Quite like my niece. She was puzzled when her mum (my cousin) started signing off her messages with Lol.  It was much later that she discovered my cousin thought Lol stood for ‘Lots of Love’. That now is a family joke.

The point I’m trying to make is that before the kids get a chance to laugh at me I might as well enjoy their little gaffes. 

These are dedicated to my son, H. Here goes..

He was passing me empty bottles as I filled them up with water. And he says, “We’re almost done Ma. There’s one bottle that’s half filled and this last one is already… Fulfilled.”

Another day in the kitchen he watched me flip over a pancake, completely awed. (I swear only my kids are awed by my cooking skills). Then says he, “Mama you’re such a great cooker.” Come to think of it ‘Cookie’ suits me better. And while we’re at it.. I’m a great mixer too.

While holidaying at a resort he drove us crazy saying he wanted to play Goose Ball. Wondering what that is.. take a look…

 While telling me about an exceptionally naughty classmate he concluded with, “I think his marbles are lost… his adaptation of ‘Losing one’s marbles’.

So what’s the funniest thing your kids have said to you?

***********

For more ‘K’ entries at the fun Challenge, ABC Wednesday, go here.

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J is for being Judgmental

The other
day I was down in the garden. A bunch of kids were playing close by while some
mums and some maids stood by chatting. A fight broke out – we have one almost
every minute. One of the kids boxed the other one, only to be punched in return.
A mum and a maid rushed to separate their charges. The mother turned upon the
maid in righteous anger and gave her an earful. “Why can’t you keep an eye on him?
Do you come down to chat?” She said before retreating with her son. “This is
what happens when kids are left to the maids,” she added before admonishing her
son to ‘never play with that boy again.’
As if that
were even a possibility! Five minutes later, the kids are back again.
How quick
are we to pass judgements, and how wrong. Among many things motherhood taught
me – this was one valuable lesson.. 
People cannot be bracketed.

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite books.. ‘To kill a mockingbird’



She’s a SAHM
– she’s a good mum.
She’s a working
mum – she doesn’t have time for her kids… wrong again!
She wears a
sari/ abaya – she’s conservative. 
She’s pushing her daughter to have fries – she’s a bad mum.
She’s fat –
she’s lazy (that one’s for me).
Oh it can
make you feel good about yourself for a while. But when you judge others you also
end up judging yourself. And sooner than later you will fall short. You cannot
possibly think you are the only perfect person on earth! If you do think you
are, well then you’ve reached nirvana and can stop right here. But if you do not, you will fall short of someone and will end up feeling not so
good about yourself. The first step to accepting yourself is to accept others
as they are.
This becomes
even more relevant in a country as diverse as India. People from different
regions, states and ethnicities, speaking different languages, dressing differently,
looking so very different… it’s as crazy as it can get. 
While I was working in
Mumbai there was just one other girl from my hometown in North India and it was
assumed that we’d be best friends. However my best friend came from the other
end of the country – from down South. We bonded over books. We ended up being roommates and are still
friends some 20 years later.
Being
judgemental can make you miss out on some really good friends.
Over the
years I learnt to reserve my judgement. Oh I’m not perfect just yet but I hope to get there.

Linking to ABC Wednesday the grand initiative now in it’s 14th round.

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I is for Innocence

The other night as my 8-year old was on the verge of drifting off she said, “Mama, if I ask you something will you tell me the truth?” Now this is one question I dread as much from my daughter as I’d dreaded it from my mum in my teenage.
So anyway.. “Yes,” said I.
“Is Santa for real or do papas and mamas give us gifts every Christmas?”
Whew.. What could I do? I’d promised to tell the truth so truth it had to be…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.The deluge of tears that followed was heart wrenching.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she sobbed after I’d very deliberately, very surely killed Santa. “I argued with all my friends. They told me there was no Santa and I didn’t believe them. I believed only you.”

Heartbreaking! O I felt so guilty.

“Who will we decorate the tree for? Who will we keep the cookies for?” she went on.. And then the thought struck her “Did YOU eat up all the cookies we kept for Santa? And the letters we wrote to him.. all lies.”

And more questions..
“Are there no reindeers either mama?”
“No,” said I, shamefaced.
“No Rudolph?”
“No”.

“If I hadn’t asked you, you’d have never told me and then when I had babies I wouldn’t have bought them gifts thinking Santa would get them and then on Christmas day they wouldn’t have had any gifts at all. How sad they would have been.”  Some thought!

Finally after a long sad time we managed to console her.. not convince mind you, just console her.. that there had been a Santa long time back and then parents had just taken over after he passed away. Next morning having slept over the issue and apparently having given the matter plenty of thought she said, “Mama when I die (death and dying are pretty much dinner table conversations here) and I am born again and if you’re my mama again please don’t ever tell me that there’s no Santa. It feels really sad”.

Even as I hugged her I wonder how would I handle it given a second chance.

Coming from her it sounded like I’d woven such an elaborate web of lies, which of course I had. So what should I have done? Killed the Santa story completely? That would be so sad. Or maybe I shouldn’t have built it up and embellish it as much. Definitely NOT make it the core of Christmas celebrations. How deeply I regretted not telling the twins about it earlier… or at least hinting at it.

My son had seemed unconcerned through this entire exchange. However in one of his Hindi worksheets on Christmas when they had to write a line about Santa this is what he wrote.. “Our parents give us gifts but we think Santa has come”.

 

 

What do you think, people? Do your kids know there’s no Santa? How old were they when they find out? How did they react?

I’m dreading Christmas this year.

PS: A few days later my daughter wanted another clarification.. ‘Are tooth fairies also not for real?”

Linking to ABC Wednesday  a fun challenge for bloggers.

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