I know you love me less than him

I know you love me less than him

I’ve written earlier about how much grief the twins give me with that one line ‘You love her more than me’. They’re regular little Sherlock Holmes when it comes to finding proof to support this hypothesis of theirs. I’ve become a pro at measuring out my affection carefully, equally, kiss by kiss, hug by hug. And yet they mange to find proof in places I’d not even dreamed of. And then they jump at it and brandish it in my face and yet again I have to listen to that detested line.

Here are a few crazy reasons I have to put up with.

You love me less because you gave him/her more neebu pani than me.

This one is a classic they’ve stuck to ever since they learnt to talk. No matter how much I measure and pour I end up messing up once in a while. It’s easily resolved though, all I do is take a sip from the offending glass and that’s it. Yup love is measured in sips of neebu pani.

You love me less because you gave me more milk.

Yeah, right! This one’s as much a classic as that previous one, only more ridiculous. That I can force someone to drink something as vile as milk is proof that I don’t quite like that person to begin with. Then I give the other one less of it – sure proof I love him/her more. Solved rather easily again, though. Small mercies.

You love me less because you made pani puri when she asked you to and I don’t even like it. Oh okay I do like it but she likes it more. Besides, I didn’t ask you to make it, she did.

Humph! That’s all I have to say to this one.

(In continuation to that previous one) …and you never made the green pakoras we ate at Hathgadh.

It doesn’t matter that I wasn’t there at all when they had those pakoras and cannot for the life of me figure out what went into them. So I spend hours on the Net googling ‘Green pakoras’ wondering at the ingredients (spinach?) with my limited cooking skills then give up and try to convince them that regular pakoras were just as good because I sort of know how to make those. And of course they don’t taste the same because
1. they aren’t green (obviously)
2. they’re not quite the right thing to be had on a rather warm evening here in Pune while they were just perfect for the chill of Hathgadh.

So much for all the googling and mixing and frying!

You love me less because you spent a nanosecond more at his bed than at mine when you came to kiss us good night.

So I go back and spend a few more seconds at his/hers only to hear a complaint from the other bed and then I continue to yo-yo between the two beds till they fall asleep and the next morning when my yoga teacher wonders why I am yawning, I make stupid excuses because I do not have the energy to explain and also because I know in the light of day it will sound as ridiculous as it actually is. And I wonder why I ever even listen to them.

You love me less because you are a girl and so is she.

I’m so tired of this one I’m considering a sex change operation to convert myself into a transgender. Do they even have those?

You love me less because you spend more time with him because he falls ill more frequently.

No clue how to handle this one, except to ply the first one with immunity boosters and hope he never falls ill.

You love me less because you go to drop him for birthday parties at his friends’ homes even though they live far away

No matter, of course, that her friends live close by. So when I go to drop her to her friend’s house (in the next building) I take a long drive and tell google maps to shut the h#@* up while wishing it would also show the longest route instead of the shortest one. The guys at google obviously are all single-child parents or they would have thought of this.

You love me less because you made him the older one. I could have easily been the older one if only you had asked the doctor to ‘pull me out’ first.

Umm… technically I’m not to blame for this one because I wasn’t quite in my senses at that point of time, but who cares for technicalities?

You love me less because you only make friends with people who have daughters so when we go out together she has company and I do not.

Tween boys, of course, do socialise with girls. Come teens, things might turn different and I’m still trying to make up my mind if this is better or that, while I look for people with sons to make friends with. If you have a son do write in and we might consider meeting up.
Note: None of these are works of fiction. These are true-to-life instances that have more than once shattered the calm (what’s that?) of our home resulting in stormy tears and lifelong unresolved trauma.


Linking up with Shantala’s chatty blogs.

Linking up with Mackenzie at Reflections from Me #mg

42 Replies to “I know you love me less than him”

  1. OMG! That was hilarious and scary at the same time. If I were you, I would have ditched nimbu paani and milk ages ago. So many problems because of them in the home. Vile milk, I laughed so hard at that passage. Kids think like that.

    Why twins? I think all kids feel this way with their siblings. We all have ‘we’re adopted’ phase. I know I had one.

    1. Oh they’d find something else if I ditched the milk and neebu pani. The thing is, it’s the children’s KTA to make life difficult for parents. Period!

  2. Ha ha! Poor you! My brother and I have done this to our Mum a lot. Who got maggi more, who got bread more – the list goes on and on. My brother still claims that he is loved less. Well, some things stay as is 😉
    Enjoyed your post, Tulika!

  3. I think we have to accept that no matter how much milk we pour each child someone will claim we love another more, it is the never ending sibling war for our love, attention and favouritism. We can not win lol! I imagine twins would be harder! My eldest loves to compare what her sister or brother get compared to her it drives me mad too. Have happy weekend and thank you for sharing this post with #mg Wonderful Read!

  4. hehehe..loved reading this one. especially the one with milk! I tell my parents that they love my sister more because she is never forced to eat or drink anything while I’m always the bakra 😀

    1. Bakri, you mean, right? Heh heh! I think the younger ones always get more attention and let off way more easily. Obviously, you’d have figured that I’m the older one.

  5. This is damn funny reminded me of the times when I was a child and my brother and I used this sort of a emotional blackmail with my mom.

  6. Hahaha..this was hilarious! But honestly, I am in awe of you, I wouldn’t have known where to even begin answering questions/accusations like these. 😛

  7. Hahaha! I am still laughing at the Nimbu Pani and Milk measurements.
    Enjoy all this and much more, for as a parent of a single child, we dont have such fun moments.

  8. This was too much fun Tulika, sorry but I cannot find it in me to be sympathetic when I am smiling so widely after reading this! I can imagine your dilemma, especially since they are of the same age! My daughter and son keep throwing this one at me too and when they were younger, I’d tire myself to the bone to keep both appeased. Now, I simply tell them to shut up and throw back a, ‘I don’t care!’ Loved the nimbu paani episode and your plan of going transgender 😉

  9. You are telling me! Let me warn you it is a lifelong thing. They NEVER grow out of it – EVER! Seriously though, the kids are totally creative and I can just picture you doing all of those things. And yes, I know they are all true-to-life incidences 🙂

  10. hehe This made me really laugh out loud. I tell you kids just will always have the most ridiculous grouses and all the refereeing constantly gets my goat. My two boys are also accusing both of us of favouritism.

  11. Hilarious… but here it is again, the story of my household. My girls constanly fight over this, as to who I love more, and sometimes the reasons they give me are indeed funny. I try my best to convince them that there is absolutely no bias, but seldom do they quite agree with me.

  12. Tulika you cracked me up !!!! I was laughing loud after reading this piece !
    Giving more milk is certainly some sort of revenge 😉 but you considering a gender changing dynamically on need basis 🙂
    and I remember “H” not asking me some survey response because I am not a “boy only” mom !
    Love how U put it all in words !!!!

  13. This was ultimately hilarious. My favourite one was dropping at the birthday parties, taking longer routes and especially google maps designed by the parent of a single child 😀 Seriously do you really do that? This post also takes me to my childhood when my brother and I had made our mother’s life difficult. Bhai was convinced Mummy loved me more than him. He even had a dialogue on the lines of Alif Laila – “tote ki jaan mote main”. I have to speak to him about this now.

    1. ‘Tote ki jaan mote mein’ – this is hilarious, hilarious. Rude of course, but so funny. I do wish brothers would use their brains at better things. Oh and as for your question, if I really do all of this – let me tell you I’d do much more to avoid the arguments. It sounds funny in retrospect but when they are throwing a tantrum for something stupid as this, it’s crazily frustrating.

  14. I am laughing so much right now Tulika.. nodded away at some of these along the way as well as I’ve heard some variations at my place too.

  15. oh God! This is a constant. My boys have an age difference of 6 years, yet while the elder is 18+, he still cribs if I pay a teeny wit more attention to the younger one. You brought his favourite snack is a common one for the loss of love. Don’t even need to talk about earphones and other gadgets.

  16. Oh my god – your kids a re creative for sure; but then that again is your fault 😉 Oh what a viscious circle we do weave.
    Taking longer routes is the best one and all I can say is how blessed are they to have such a loving mom.
    As a child I always fought with my parents (still do) that they love my sister more than me. One day my dad said yeah we do and its because you are our step child while she is the real one – oh god it took years for me to get this out of my system. I bet my dad doesnt even remember it, but it wrecked me pretty bad and I was convinced for many many years that some day someone will ring the door bell and there would be these two ppl standing there who would tell me that they are my real parents 🙂
    BTW to date I am convinced that I was exchanged in the hospital – there is no way I fit into my family of meek, docile and obedient lot who dont question anything and follow the marked path without ever looking up! 😉

    1. I think at some point we all think we’re our parents’ step children. I did too and I wrote it all in a small diary. Years later my mum found it and was very upset.

  17. Hahaha, “pull me out” hahahhahaahaha.

    I’d like to be a permanent fly on your wall, Tulika! Just to witness such amazing scenes.

  18. Is it okay that I’m laughing helplessly while reading this? I can just picture you driving in circles trying to take the long route to the neighbour’s home.

    Perks to being a parent of a single child. I’ll be over here, chuckling, if you need me.

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