This is in response to a query in the comments section — Why do I call myself ‘Obsessive mom’.
And with that a can of worms has been opened!
The name is based on honest self-evaluation — I turned into one. In my defense I would like to explain how/why I became one while hoping I won’t remain one forever.
Tough beginnings
I had a tough pregnancy. I won’t bother you with gory details. Let’s just say that becoming a mom when you’re well in your thirties in age and well in your seventies in weight, is never easy. Add to that the fact that you are carrying twins and the odds are stacked against you… heavily.
That’s when the obsession started. I ate, napped, walked and took my medicines (including giving myself an injection every day) with the single thought of keeping my babies safe and healthy.
When they came
Once they were born at 1.9 kgs and 1.4 kgs, the obsession grew.
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I obsessed about their intake of milk, counting ounces like Shylock counted his gold.
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I obsessed about the ‘outflow’ making five-strike statistic stacks to keep track of the poos and the pees.
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I guarded them with an eagle eye. If someone as much as tried to touch them I freake — ‘wash your hands’ I’d bellow, the ‘please’ lost somewhere in my anxiety.
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I was up most nights burping them after the doc mentioned a baby dying because he wasn’t burped properly. (Much later I found out sometimes they just don’t burp.)
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I monitored their sleep, eat, play routine like an army sergeant. Still do. (Why don’t they hate me?)
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I made copious notes on ‘things to ask the doctor’ at the next appointment.
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Once H slept too much, I went to the doc.
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N didn’t do the big job for two days, I went to the doc
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H went on and on having milk, I went to the doc.
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| The endless queries |
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| This is embarrassing, but I’m in the confessional |
And later, now, a thousand worries still.
Coughs, sneezes, running nose, wheezes — off to the ped
H didn’t start walking till he was almost 1. Should I consult a physio, I asked my ped? She laughed at me.
When there were fights in the playground, I went to the counselor.
At four plus H still has some speech unclarity (a little lisp), I’ve been considering a speech therapist.
However it’s not all worry and trouble
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I do love being a stay at home mom (at least most times)
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I love giving them a bath even now despite doing it everyday for four plus years.
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I love choosing what they’ll wear, though they’re taking away that pleasure from me.
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I love waving ‘bye’ to them after they board their school bus.
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And I love being there to hold their hands as they get off in the afternoon.
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I truly enjoy their school stories.
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I love cooking for them, even though I’m cooking challenged.
You get the idea, I suppose
As a result…
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I became a pariah among family and friends because I had time for nothing and no one.
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I gave up the love of my life Shah Rukh Khan, no films other than MNIK in the theatre since they were born.
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I have always loved shopping and now I find myself spending endless hours in the kids’ section. Thanks to my mom/sister I’m still clothed.
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My monthly visits to the parlour have come down to a quarterly ceremony.
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I gave up the gym and touched 80 kgs, this time without carrying any kids.
Don’t think I didn’t evaluate myself. I did. Check that post here .
Afterword
Most of this is normal new-mom behaviour.. I was perhaps marginally worse because I had two of them together and little support.
I am happy to add that as the kids grow I’m slowly getting over the obsessive disorder.
I go to the gym. My weight is down by 6 kgs.
I have started writing, (posts gone up from 5 in 2006 to 84 already in 2010).
I actually got a story published and made some money after five whole years (Yay! Though the cheque is still awaited).
I won the ‘Sporting memories’ contest on Blogadda which had absolutely nothing to do with kids… double yay.
In another few years I might look at rechristening the blog. What say?
Oh my God! I just found my clone.. I see so much of myself in you.. it’s like reading an autobiography
@Archana: Muah.. thanks. I'm sure I'll need you to talk to the kids sooner rather than later. 🙂
@OHW: Thanks. The thing with mothering is I always feel I could do better. So your reassurance makes me feel gooood.
Glad I stumbled upon this before starting wid any other post, because the why was stuck wid me too :). U seem like a good Mom.
Tulika, I am going to tell you a secret today… "You are the MODEL MOM" if there is a term like that. I learnt about patience, setting schedules & adhering by them, letting go of your ego once in a while, not throwing parent tantrums, etc. only after seeing you. I wouldn't call you 'obsessive' but I would call you 'the best' mom.
If any day in future (adolescence), Hrit & Naisha get too big for their boots and slam doors on your face, tell me. I'll give them a call & tell them all that you've done for them.
Good Luck!
@krishnnaleela: Wierd isn't it what the kids do to you? But it's fun and well worth it.
ah !! I mean slowly ;P
Hi Tulika . Got here thru blogadda . I was also a obsessive Mom when I started my blog. Now slowing kids are spreading their wings 🙂
Happy that I made it to here 😀
Your check lists reminds me of my own experiences even though mine weren't twins 🙂
@Apoorva: Thank you..get set.
@G: Looking forward to your sister's blog:-)))) PS: Don't rag her though, it IS tough.
Most new moms I know are like that. 🙂 My sister is one example. I call her the paranoid mother. See she already has a blogname ready if she plans to start writing. 🙂
quintessential TULIKA… just amazing