So, what’s the right time to allow a sleepover?

After some happy hours of play, N came in for lunch today bubbling with excitement. ‘Mama may I go to V’s house for a sleepover?’ She asked. I was kind of prepared, since a few minutes earlier I’d had a phone call from V asking the same question and I’d put her off saying I’d get back to her. 
This marks the entry of my twins in second phase of their lives – the beginning of a new set of parenting decisions and dilemmas. With the kids’ eighth birthday round the corner I thought I still had a few years before queries such as this one popped up. 
Friends hanging out in pajamas

In all honesty, I questioned myself – Is she ready for a sleepover?
The answer is ‘probably yes’. Here’s why I think so..
Since she asked, no begged, for it she probably is ready.
She has slept away from me (with my sister and her cousins) a few times.
She doesn’t wake up too often during the night.
She’s pretty independent (in my absence).
She behaves like a gem (in my absence).
So yes she’s ready for it.
The second thing I asked myself was Who is she spending the sleepover with?
And there were where the worries lay. Nope, there’s nothing wrong with the family. They live in the same society as us and I see them around pretty frequently. They’re in that vague slot between acquaintances and friends. However, how okay was it to let a child casually call up and invite a friend for a sleepover, I wondered. Am I over reacting in thinking this is a watershed moment in my kids’ life? That this is a big deal? Is it just like a simple play date or an evening out with friends (which I am also dubious about till I know the family well)?

I would have certainly appreciated some reassurance from the mum. 
And I had queries. Lots of them…
Who else is coming?
Who are the other adults in the house?
What about older siblings?
What would they be doing before they turn in for the night?
Would they be watching scary TV? (Such a no no!)
Being a girl thing would they be talking/trying out dress up and makeup? (aren’t they too young for that?)
What time would they actually sleep?

I would have liked to ask all of those and maybe some more. Yes I’d have liked a chat with the mum.

Sounds like I’m fussy? Well I’m entrusting the most precious thing of my life to a relative stranger, I have to fuss. I am well aware I’m a tad reluctant in letting the kids go. (It’s not quite right and I’m working on it. The progress has been slow, I might add).
Mercifully an old friend is arriving with her kids the morning of the proposed sleepover so the decision was made rather easily.
What was not so easily done is conveying the news to N. I had the heartbreaking task of delivering the ‘no’ watching her tiny face crumble into tears.
That, right there, is the time I HATE being a mum.

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Linking that bit of introspection to Write Tribe’s Free Write for the Wednesday prompt.

Language of compassion

She had been standing there for a good ten minutes. Traffic flowed like a river
in flood. Never ceasing, fast and incessant. She had come to dread her morning trips to the market. Despite her years in the city
she hadn’t mastered the art of zigzagging through it all.
She waited on.. uncertain, scared.
Finally, she took a step forward and was greeted by a flurry of honks as a scooter whizzed by almost brushing her sari. The driver waved her back with an impatient look, like she had invaded his personal space. She stepped back guiltily.
She wiped her sweat, adjusted her glasses, shifted her bag to the other hand and readied to try again. A giant city bus
materialised blocking all else other than its dirty red as it creaked to an angry halt.
Flustered, she stepped back onto the footpath again.
She looked around in part dread part fascination at other pedestrians making a dash through the chaos.
I cannot stay here forever, she reasoned. She straightened her shoulders and with a bravado that felt false to even to her own self, she stepped into the traffic. Within seconds she heard a car screech to a halt inches from her… horns blared, people cursed. She tried to look up but panic blinded her. Someone wrested her bag from
her hand, someone was grabbing her shoulder, propelling her forward. She tried to resist, but couldn’t.
And then, in a flash, she was on the other side. Her bag was back in her hand. She stood breathing hard, heart hammering. “It’s alright,” said the young girl, “you’re fine”. Relief and gratitude brimmed over. She tried to focus, a thank you on her lips, but the girl had already melted in the crowd.

Sometimes it takes just a minute, just a tiny gesture to express it all.. tolerance, compassion, love.

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Edited to add: Do check out this page here…
Random Acts of Kindness Week.

A wandering mind!

I had a
medical checkup recently and its report time! I’ve been putting it off, yet it’s
been on my mind .. a lot. Oh I know I’m in decent enough health, yet the
thought that something may not be just right is scary.
All day I
hear a constant stream of — “Mama I’m hungry”, “Mama may we watch TV?”, “Mama she’s
teasing me”, “Mama where are my clothes?” …. on and on.

I rarely
allow myself to think about this, but it is my secret dread – that we won’t be
around long enough to look after the kids forever.
***********
And now I feel all melodramatic and sad and worried. That’s what happens when you let your mind wander, all thanks to this prompt from Write tribe which asked us to ‘Write a hundred words without thinking – just free your mind!’

For a peek into more wandering minds look here here.

Shades of love

From the
moment I set eyes on her she became the most important woman in my life. It was love at first sight. For years there was no other.
Then I met you, my soulmate. And fell in love…. again. This is love too.. different, yet just as deep,
just as pure.
How do I
tell her about you?
Will she
feel abandoned? Or will she understand?

But why do I
doubt her? She will understand. She
will learn to love you just like I do, for she loves me like no other, after all
she is my mother.

***********

Linking to Write Tribes 100 Words on Saturday for the prompt ‘How do I tell her about you’

My earliest memory

I have been tagged by the wonderful Vidya with a ‘My earliest memory’ tag. Thank you Vidya for this trip down memory lane.

This promises to be a bit of a disjointed post quite like my earliest memories. There is no single stream of thought. Memories come as images, flashes, feelings and incidents. And so I’ll go with a list. Come along folks.. 

…here are my top five.

1. That old man..

My earliest memory is of singing “This old  man” at the top of my voice in pre-school. I went to one of the nicest ones ever… The teachers were called aunties, the principal sang with us and we had red school bags, just a tiffin large, which we hung from our necks. As a bonus it had a mini zoo with rabbits and guinea pigs. It was a dream. By the way I’m still trying to figure out what that song means.

2. Bedtimes with my baby sister

They key word here is ‘baby’. 
My dear sister was the sweetest baby ever. It was only later, when she refused to settle down to her ‘little sister’ status, that the fights really started. We would cuddle up on this huge bed and I’d feel all grown up and older sisterly!!

3. My silver screen debut…

..was such a flop. 
My dad would set up his projector and we’d sit together to watch old photographs. A very very ‘Hum Saath Saath Hain‘ kind of thing. There was this one picture of me with a running nose and a dirty grimy face that I positively HATED. Each time it came on I’d walk out howling. Of course my sadistic family had a blast and my father would never ever skip that one. That baby picture, by the way, is a euphemistic one.

4. The smell of crysanthemums..

…at the flower show. 
We were regulars there every winter. We’d bundle up in our woollens and spend long relaxed Sunday afternoons on the NBRI (National Botanical Research Institute) lawns. There were gladioli and roses and other flowers too. 
However it’s the chrysanthemums that stay in my memory most prominently. 
That luxurious green grass under my feet, that intoxicating smell of flowers and the music of the shehnai still remain with me.. yeah they played the shehnai .. no ‘gandi baats‘ back then.

5. Parades and processions

Nope.. we never stumbled upon a Saif or a Sonali
but the baraats were fun, nevertheless

My early years were spent in old Lucknow. Celebrations in the crowded old city are a whole different thing – the music is louder, the clothes more colourful, the dancing more carefree and the bonhomie ever so contagious. I remember rushing to the door at the sound of music. First, there was the Bharat Milap, a huge procession to celebrate the coming together of Ram and Bharat. For some reason it would happen at an ungodly hour in the night. I remember being woken up by my grandmother and would sit there sleep flying out of my eyes at the sight of boys and girls dressed up as characters from the Ramayana. Colourfully painted Ram and Sita on a rath, Lakshman and Bharat followed by Hanuman swinging his gada with his troupe of monkeys and a bunch of bears thrown for good measure. Super fun!! The marriage season would see the baraats streaming by with the band singing the quintessentially off key ‘aaj mere yaar ki shaadi hai’, the women in all their finery, the groom on the horse, kids dancing like they were possessed and yes the shower of coins, which we were absolutely forbidden to pick up. What a waste, I always thought.

During moharrum there were the sombre tazias. Those men lashing themselves was a sight I cannot forget.

So yeah that’s my top five.

… and now I tag fellow blogger and dear friend.. the super organised Shilpa. Come on Shilpa, spill the beans from your past.