If we were having coffee together – 8

If we were having coffee I’d tell you to pour yourself a cup and keep the kettle close by for this is going to be longish conversation. After all it’s been ages since we met up.

The Boards are Behind Us

If you’ve dropped by the blog over the last few months you’ll know the children took their Grade 10 Boards and came out fine. Even as we wait for the final results I cannot begin to say how happy and proud they made me. Exam scores aside, I was amazed to see that they handled the pressure calmly and maturely.

That said, I’m glad it is all behind us. 

It’s time for Junior College

If we were having coffee together I’d tell you how busy we’ve been sorting their junior college admissions. Choosing subjects, filling forms, scanning mark sheets and adhar cards, appearing for interviews. We as parents have also had to take interviews. One school wanted to know what school we went to, another asked for the marksheet of our last degree! That was strange.

While H is clear about what he wants to do, N is vacillating, still. Sometimes I feel it’s wholly unfair to expect a 16-year-old to know exactly what he or she wants from life. The Indian education system, inflexible as it is, with little room for changing streams or even subjects, frightens me.

I worry. A lot. What if I’m not giving the right advice to the children? What if a nudge in a different direction could prove life-changing? What on earth IS that right direction?

Uncertainty overwhelms me some days.

But then I have to remind myself to put it all away. I need to trust the children’s decision and mine even as I constantly assure them they have the freedom to take a different route any time they want, no matter the cost. In the end, it’s their happiness that counts.

A New Phase for the Children

If we were having coffee together I’d tell you that this will be the first time in their lives that the twins will be in different schools. Their timings are different too. It gives me a pang each time I think they will meet only in the evenings now.

I tell myself it’s a good thing. They need their space, they need to have different sets of friends and it’s time they forge their own different paths.

It truly is a whole new phase of their lives.

A New Phase for Me Too

If we were having coffee I’d tell you I feel as if this was a whole new phase for me too. I’m hoping, with their schools in order, my life can get back to some kind of a regular rhythm.

I have been exploring opportunities. I have to admit this change isn’t easy. Although I have been freelancing all these years, the twins have been a clear first priority for a decade and a half, specially with the husband being in another city. I find myself shying away from committing to anything full-time. I wonder if I will be able to strike a balance and be available if and when the children need me (which they won’t, one part of me reminds me, but the other me remains unconvinced).

I am allowing myself baby steps as of now and keeping my fingers crossed. Things have definitely eased out with the Husband coming home.

New Teachings, New Learnings

If we were having coffee I’d tell you how he and I have been taking turns teaching the children to drive a scooter. At 16, they are eligible to take to the roads although on smaller vehicles. We’re in no hurry since they still have two years to go before they can get onto a regular scooter but it’s fun, almost like the time they learnt to walk. One more step towards independence. While N remains cautious despite having a better sense of balance, H is, as always, sure of himself. They’re so different, these two, in everything they do.

If we were having coffee I’d wonder if you noticed how this post has been all about the children! That’s how much they’ve taken over my mind space this past month and that’s something I’m struggling to overcome. I really need to put the days of being obsessivemom behind me.

That’s it from me, for now. Tell me what’s happening with you. What’s been on your mind?

6 Replies to “If we were having coffee together – 8”

  1. Getting past the 10th boards is a great milestone for the kids and the parents both, so congratulations, Tulika!! I’ve been there two years back with my son so I understand how it feels. Worries and apprehensions are a part of every parent’s life and they keep changing forms through every phase that the kids go through. Glad to know that you’ve decided to explore new opportunities on the work front. I’m sure you’ll find something interesting for yourself that is not only fulfilling and rewarding but one that will take your mind off all the worries too! Kids grow up fast. My friends with grown-up kids always remind me to enjoy these precious moments before the kids fly the nest. Like you, I too am bracing up for the coming days and months as my son prepares himself for college after his 12th boards!!
    Best wishes to H and N!!! You take care, Tulika.
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  2. 10th Boards are done! Such a relief. Younger son is in 10th now, so I know what you mean. Older boy is home after finishing his second year so we are getting a lot of things done. One of them is getting his DL. He has an LL. Has finished his learning classes and now I go with him to help him practice. I can’t wait for him to drive us around. I got my DL at 23 so he is still good at 20. Good luck to N and H. I am so happy that their Junior College Admissions are done. For you, I say fly. I have been so much more fulfilled and happier since I took on full-time work though I work for myself. I work from morning to early evening. And my work helped keep me stable through the pandemic and the older one flying the nest. Let’s hope we can meet soon and have coffee in real life.

  3. Loved reading this and now I knows what you meant when you said parenting and reading has been on top of your mind. Every time I read of H and N, think of my brother and me. We are not twins but a year apart And so different from each other. Tulika, I always think if you and I meet, we will chat a lot. How I wish that really happens.
    I’m sure You are taking care of yourself. Take the time to process the change and I’m sure this will be a new happy phase of life.

  4. As moms, we can’t stop worrying about our kids. But no matter how little or much we worry about our children, things will always work out for the best. It’s going to be an exciting phase for both you and your kids. All the best, Tulika.
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  5. Oh wow! done with 10th already!! That is indeed a huge relief OM and I totally get how our lives get taken over by the ‘whats next’ and ‘wonder if our choices are right’ thoughts 🙂
    Although you mention its all about the children, I can also see how its all about you as a parent.
    I have been through a similar exercise with Ammu the past year … she completed her 12th and is now truly onto college (awaiting results and actual admission process to be done yet). These days I have got a sense of the freedom to come but some part of me already misses her. Sigh! such is motherhood…
    Good luck to N&H. I’m sure they will do very well 🙂
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