Category: Parenting

If we were having coffee together – 8

If we were having coffee together – 8

If we were having coffee I’d tell you to pour yourself a cup and keep the kettle close by for this is going to be longish conversation. After all it’s been ages since we met up.

The Boards are Behind Us

If you’ve dropped by the blog over the last few months you’ll know the children took their Grade 10 Boards and came out fine. Even as we wait for the final results I cannot begin to say how happy and proud they made me. Exam scores aside, I was amazed to see that they handled the pressure calmly and maturely.

That said, I’m glad it is all behind us. 

It’s time for Junior College

If we were having coffee together I’d tell you how busy we’ve been sorting their junior college admissions. Choosing subjects, filling forms, scanning mark sheets and adhar cards, appearing for interviews. We as parents have also had to take interviews. One school wanted to know what school we went to, another asked for the marksheet of our last degree! That was strange.

While H is clear about what he wants to do, N is vacillating, still. Sometimes I feel it’s wholly unfair to expect a 16-year-old to know exactly what he or she wants from life. The Indian education system, inflexible as it is, with little room for changing streams or even subjects, frightens me.

I worry. A lot. What if I’m not giving the right advice to the children? What if a nudge in a different direction could prove life-changing? What on earth IS that right direction?

Uncertainty overwhelms me some days.

But then I have to remind myself to put it all away. I need to trust the children’s decision and mine even as I constantly assure them they have the freedom to take a different route any time they want, no matter the cost. In the end, it’s their happiness that counts.

A New Phase for the Children

If we were having coffee together I’d tell you that this will be the first time in their lives that the twins will be in different schools. Their timings are different too. It gives me a pang each time I think they will meet only in the evenings now.

I tell myself it’s a good thing. They need their space, they need to have different sets of friends and it’s time they forge their own different paths.

It truly is a whole new phase of their lives.

A New Phase for Me Too

If we were having coffee I’d tell you I feel as if this was a whole new phase for me too. I’m hoping, with their schools in order, my life can get back to some kind of a regular rhythm.

I have been exploring opportunities. I have to admit this change isn’t easy. Although I have been freelancing all these years, the twins have been a clear first priority for a decade and a half, specially with the husband being in another city. I find myself shying away from committing to anything full-time. I wonder if I will be able to strike a balance and be available if and when the children need me (which they won’t, one part of me reminds me, but the other me remains unconvinced).

I am allowing myself baby steps as of now and keeping my fingers crossed. Things have definitely eased out with the Husband coming home.

New Teachings, New Learnings

If we were having coffee I’d tell you how he and I have been taking turns teaching the children to drive a scooter. At 16, they are eligible to take to the roads although on smaller vehicles. We’re in no hurry since they still have two years to go before they can get onto a regular scooter but it’s fun, almost like the time they learnt to walk. One more step towards independence. While N remains cautious despite having a better sense of balance, H is, as always, sure of himself. They’re so different, these two, in everything they do.

If we were having coffee I’d wonder if you noticed how this post has been all about the children! That’s how much they’ve taken over my mind space this past month and that’s something I’m struggling to overcome. I really need to put the days of being obsessivemom behind me.

That’s it from me, for now. Tell me what’s happening with you. What’s been on your mind?

Of Exams and Results

Of Exams and Results

Imagine your favourite person in the whole world in a boxing match. It’s an important bout and you’ve tried to prepare him the best you can — got the best trainers, the best gloves, directed him to the best resources; done everything you could possibly do.

Read More Read More

Different strokes for different folks

Different strokes for different folks

Last week H was down with fever. With Grade 10 prelims less than a month away I watched him struggle to study despite continuous sneezing, a streaming nose and a throbbing head. Being a veteran of epic colds, my heart went out to him.

‘Shall I read to you?’ I offered.

‘No,’ said he, ‘I can’t study orally. I need to read it myself’.

I got that. I too find it hard to comprehend ideas unless I see them written down. Which is why I haven’t taken to audio books and my Audible credits have been piling up.

I am more of a visual learner. I can’t even choose from a menu card at a restaurant if someone reads it out to me. I need to hold it in my hands and read it for myself.

On the other hand there’s N.

She took a while to get comfortable with reading and for years I helped her study orally, reading out entire portions of her syllabus. Spellings were a struggle and that made school life difficult. Mercifully she found compassionate teachers and I shall forever be grateful for that. 

I specifically remember her Grade 4 teacher telling me that spellings would cease to be an issue in times to come as more and more writing would go digital. As an editor and writer, I found that inconceivable. However, coming from someone I respected and trusted, it was the most comforting thing I had heard at that point in time.

Anyway, N continues to score full marks in her aurals. She picks up lyrics to entire songs without even being aware of it, she can tell long complicated stories with ease. 

She has mastered reading but unfamiliar words still give her trouble. That doesn’t stop her. She loves stories and is an avid reader and a decent enough writer with a rich imagination. However, the oral form remains her preference.

Visual and Auditory learners

Photo from Pexels.com

Meanwhile, I read up a lot on learning differences, getting sucked into the Internet rabbit hole of information.

I found that auditory learners like N make up just 30 percent of the population (which is why it took me longer to come to terms with her way of learning) while 65 percent are visual leaners like H. The last 5 percent is made of kinesthetic learners who need to do things in order to learn.

Last week’s episode brought back memories of frustrations of their early learning years. I continue to marvel at how different H and N are despite being twins.

Interestingly, ones preferences remain all though life, right up to adulthood. Some of us learn best through books, while videos and podcasts work better for others.

That said, there’s a whole school of thought that rubbishes this categorising of learning styles.

I’d like to believe that learning styles exist but aren’t watertight. Ultimately it boils down to good communication and understanding what works best for your child. Just like everything else about parenting there really is no cut and dried wat.

5 quick and easy tips to stop being over-available

5 quick and easy tips to stop being over-available

Parenting teens is tricky business.

A few weeks weeks back I was at the orthopaedic clinic with a bad case of frozen shoulder. I’d hoped to be home in time for lunch but what with running around for the Xray and multiple payment points I was still there.

The twins are, of course, more than capable of managing themselves and yet, as I felt my phone vibrate I knew it was one of them.

Read More Read More