Category: Uncategorized

Posted on

Of ‘well-meaning’ advice

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Dear well-wisher friend,

This letter comes after much thought and heartache. I’m sure you remember yesterday’s incident. The kids were playing together on the slide. Of course they are too old to slide the conventional way so they were inventing a host of games climbing up, sliding down, crashing into each other, creating a ‘jam’. There was some amount of roughhousing but they were having fun.

After a while we heard a commotion and by the time we got there N was in tears while H stood looking guilty. Apparently as he pulled her down the slide he twisted her ankle. Worse, her dress climbed up embarrassing her and bringing out the tears.

Yes I felt her embarrassment every bit as acutely as she did herself. After all she gets it from me – this feeling of wanting to disappear from the face pf the earth at the slightest unfavourable attention. Given that some of it was witnessed by a bunch of boys and girls, must have felt terrible. I know the feeling. I’ve been there – many times over.

I took H aside, gave him a talking to and sent him home.

However, I seemed to have failed you in your expectation. According to you I should have meted out a harsher punishment. No, it wasn’t enough that I speak to him later at home. I was too soft on him, you felt. He deserved a dressing down right there before his friends. He should have been embarrassed just as he had embarrassed N so that he would remember it the next time, you said.

I wholeheartedly agree H needs to be sensitive in the playground. I know he gets carried away in a crazy sort of way. I agree he needs to be punished. However I do not think shaming him in public is the way to do it. You may not agree of course, and that’s your prerogative entirely.

While you remain my friend and have known the twins for some time I’d like to remind you that I do know them a little better than you. I know what H did wasn’t done with the intention of embarrassing N while should I have done the same to him it would have been very much intentional, that, when I’m decades older than him and hopefully more sensible.

Also, you were not there to see that by the time we got home H had done both our beds, warmed the food, set the table and served us all dinner – his way of saying ‘sorry’. I also know that he may err again. I know it might take him time to turn into the perfect gentleman that I hope he will become one day. I am prepared to wait.

Meanwhile I’m happy to inform you that the incident has done no permanent damage to N going by the way she was wrestling with H this morning.

Your comments hurt me terribly, even though I am convinced I did the right thing. Perhaps that is because, of late, I’ve been on extremely rocky parenting ground constantly analysing each step I take till somedays I feel I feel I’ll go completely crazy. I’d truly appreciate if you keep your suggestions, however well-meaning, as I’m sure they are, to yourself.

Also, if you do have some serious advice, I’d love for you to say it to me directly, rather than saying it came from one of the kids because then I am more likely to take it seriously.

Thank you again for your concern.

OM

Posted on

Obsessivemom needs a break

The OM is upset. It’s the kids. They have been giving her a specially rough time. Put it down to the long Diwali break, the absence of the husband or simply to the twins’ terrible tweens. She’s been by turns, angry, hurt and frustrated. So she seeks out her better self – The Sane Mum. You might remember her from here here or here . 
OM: Did you just see how the twins spoke to me? How unappreciative and ungrateful they have become? And how very rude!
SM: I did. Have you noticed that they’re growing up?
OM: I have. But does that mean they have to be rude and argumentative all the time? They’re children still and I am still their mum. I still AM the older one around here. Or does no one remember that any longer?
SM: It might do well for you to remember that you are the older one here. You aren’t really handling this like a grown up. Actually, I’ve been waiting awhile to have this conversation.
I’ve watched you being drawn into long fruitless arguments. I see you realising you’re going nowhere and yet unable to stop.
I’ve seen the endless war of wills and watched them all end badly.
I’ve seen you get into control freak mode the more they resist; the more you control the more they resist.
I’ve watched the kids trying to assert their independence and also seen with regret how you’ve waited for them to fail.
And then you’ve been ready with your ‘I told you sos’.
I’ve seen Mushy Mum (MM) run and hide till Mean Mum (MeM) takes over and then I’ve been witness to your heartfelt regret.
Cut them, and yourself, some slack will you!
OM: So you’ve been having a laugh at my expense? Well, they might THINK they’re grown up but I still have to guide them in a hundred things. They NEED me still. 
SM: … and they always will. But perhaps it’s time to guide them not by holding their hand and leading them but simply by showing them the way.
OM: It’s just easier to pull them along.
SM: Sure is. Keep doing that and watch them run the other way.
OM: There’s no need to get sarcastic.
SM: Uh okay..sorry. I kind of know how you feel. It’s the way you’re made – manufactured to obsess. But you need a makeover, and fast, or you’re set to lose them.
OM (panicking): Lose them? 
SM: Yeah. You need to remember that the kids are no longer babies. What worked for you might not work for them … or it may … they want to figure it out themselves. Let them do it. They need a break from your obsessing.
OM: So it’s all my fault? Exactly whose side are you on?
SM: Their’s. But so are you, aren’t you? We’re all on the same side.
OM: Yeah right but I don’t want to leave.
MM: Nor do I. They just don’t want me around these days.
SM: I don’t think ANY of us wants to leave. But OM you need to change into me, or at least disguise yourself really well as me. As for MM, you need to be around too but don’t ever, ever show up in public. Keep those hugs and kisses in check. When the two of you are in your element there really is no space for me. And you do need me most at this point of time.
OM: You’re unbearably pompous. So the two of us should go into hiding while you rule the roost?
SM: That’s right. Unless you want to lose the kids.
OM: No no of course not. I’ll give it a shot but I have a feel this is going to be a rough ride. Sigh!
Posted on

The Pink run

So it’s done and dusted for this year – the Pinkathon , the all-women’s run for breast cancer awareness. Remember how excited I had been about it last November? I devoted some two months of practice and three blog posts to it (here is one of them ) not to talk of the innumerable mentions on Facebook. I registered a month in advance and was super excited and a little anxious wondering if I’d finish the 5Km I’d set out to do.

There really is something special about a first time.

This year I did it again but without half the enthusiasm. I managed a spot registration just a day before the run and went in without any preparation at all.

I won’t even go into the reasons for the lack of enthusiasm that seems to of late, cloud almost all things I used to love. The important part is that I did manage to push myself to complete 5kms. The moment the first warm up Zumba song rang out I knew I was going to have fun, even though I was sorely missing my last year’s buddy who has since moved to a different country.

I have to say this – Ladies, if your city hosts the Pinkathon go for it at least once. It offers a valuable message: Choose a healthy lifestyle, do not ignore your fitness, make time for it. That’s something most women are likely to forget, specially once the kids come along. 

If that doesn’t pull you in, go for the fun of it. It’s a party out there. The Pinkathon is like the happiest, most amazing carnival ever. Women of all shapes and sizes run this marathon. Heck! you don’t even need to run – a jog or a walk is good enough. It is currently hosted in 8 Indian cities – Pune, Bombay, Delhi, Chennai, Ahmedabad, Guwahati, Bangalore and Hyderabad.

I would have liked to go for 10 Kms like I’d resolved last year but that didn’t happen. However, since I’d been walking/jogging on and off, this was quite effortless. Last year it marked the culmination of my fitness efforts, this year I am hoping it marks the start of it.

Oh and did I mention the brand ambassador remains hot as ever? Well he does.

Here are some pictures from the event.

Brand Ambassador Milind Soman takes the stage.
Please note how dark it was when the event began. Waking up early was the toughest part.

The cancer survivor ‘sheroes’ being felicitated.
They ran the 5kms with us.
The young ones…

…and the old.

The royally dressed up ‘dholwalahs’

Our flagoff by the man himself.

The sari brigade

On the trampoline just for fun.

After the run
********************
Linking to #Microblog Mondays .
Posted on

Stop! Look! Discover!

This past week we made a momentous discovery – a forest some five minutes from where we live. 

A friend had once mentioned it but I dismissed it as one of the many parks or gardens that abound here. Anyway, so last week one morning with plenty of time and little to occupy us, the kids and I walked down a back road which we thought was dead end. We crossed a few slum houses, clambered up a slope and there it was! The forest – wild and unkempt – just lots of trees with tracks running through.
As it turned out our ‘discovery’ was as misguided as that of Christopher Columbus. The forest had already been discovered and christened too. Anandvan – The Forest of Happiness. 

As we walked around we spotted a bunch of people hard at work. A gentleman approached us and introduced himself as Kumar. Before we knew it he had handed the kids plastic containers and they were following him around watering plants, looking at birding ‘nests’  hung up on trees and listening intently as he chatted on about afforestation and the need to spend time with trees.

THAT’S HOW IT’S DONE
HARD AT WORK
UGH! PLASTIC
INVITING THE BIRDS
“We need more people, more children to pitch in here”, he said and added, “It is a huge area”.
“How often can you come here?” he persisted.

I was a little taken aback because I had not planned on making this a regular affair at all. “Once a week,” I offered tentatively. 
“Twice,” he said. “Make it twice and see the difference in the children, in their eating habits, sleeping habits and in the way they perceive nature”. 


It made sense. At least the kids were out in the open, away from the dangerously addictive gadgets and having a good time in the best way possible.

Done with the ‘work’ they were left to look around. 

They found a tiny man-made pool….

HOW DEEP RUN THE WATERS?
…climbed trees..
ROCK A BYE BABY 🙂
… and collected interesting bits of rocks, which were photographed and sent off to geologist nanu for identification.
FOREST TREASURES: SOME MAN MADE SOME NATURAL

They also found a water reservoir and tried their hand at pumping water from a hand pump. Finally, they had to be dragged back with the lure of breakfast at their favourite joint. Quite the perfect weekend morning.

We intend to keep going there. Twice a week remains our aim. With Diwali vacations round the corner it’ll be a regular haunt.

NOTE TO SELF: Look around more often. Explore the ‘dead ends’. Step out more. Look for the greens – a garden, a park or (if I’m lucky) a forest. There just may be more green treasures waiting to be discovered.

Posted on

Memories and random ramblings

The other day I was reading this post at Pins and Ashes about memories and how she stored them in her head. She said she deleted the bad ones and stored away the good ones into neat little boxes like we store earrings.

I realised I did it the earring way too but not quite like her. I did it the way I store earrings which, by the way, I am very fond of. I have loads of them and have a box with squares to store them too. However barely any two of a pair are in the same box. They are all together in one big jumble along with bracelets, bangles and what not. If there is some vague organisation it would be in order of how much I love them and how often I wear them. So the gold-diamond-garnets  might be in the same box as one I picked up at the roadside in Goa.

That’s quite how my memories are stored – here there and all over the place – the good ones and the bad ones all mixed together so it is almost impossible to separate the two. When I pick one up another one comes dangling along and I have no idea which one it might be. A small inconsequential one, might be jumbled up with a large important one like an inane remark someone made years ago at an office party, or the clothes a friend wore a decade ago at a school social or some random interaction at the bus-stop between two people I don’t even know.

Then along comes someone and I begin to dig into this chaos to find something to say. If that someone is a mere acquaintance I’d be tiptoeing around in my head thinking ‘which is a safe memory I can share?’. The conversation will be stilted at best.

However if it’s a friend, I pull them all out pell-mell without worrying. The conversation then comes spilling forth, without a pause, one thing leading to another, stories, thoughts, feelings, emotions all together. And if you’re my kind of friend you’ll probably be doing the same till we’re struggling to get in a word, completing each others sentences, agreeing and disagreeing vehemently, laughing hard, probably annoying people around us and then wondering where the time went.

So how do you do it? All organised? Or is it a crazy place up there?
Privacy Policy Proudly powered by WordPress