Notes from an almost-empty-nester
Before this month of love goes by, I’m sharing five vignettes on love. Hope you find some version yourself in at least one of them.
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Continue reading “Exploring the colour palette of love, one relationship at a time”
Last November I went home on a short trip for my college reunion. It was the first time I was there without the children and it felt strange, too quiet. One morning I took my cup of tea to the swing on our terrace.
It was a cool morning and the sun felt good on my face. The tea was hot, with a hint of ginger, a little sweeter than necessary, just the way I liked it. Multihued bougainvillea bloomed cheerily in large planters at the far end of the terrace. The freshly watered plants gave off a delicious petrichor.
This wasn’t the house I grew up in. My parents shifted from our University home to this, their own bungalow, about a decade ago, when they both retired. And yet how easily I called it home. The children of course had known no other. This was their nani’s house. Each summer when we went to visit, they marked the room on the terrace as their territory, forbidding anyone to go there in their absence. Such was the sense of belonging. But me? I moved out long ago. I don’t have many memories in this house, there’s no history.
How has this house, where I spend just a few days each year, come to mean ‘home’?
Perhaps it is because of the sounds of the city that seep in uninvited – the North Indian lilt in the call of the vegetable vendor on the road outside or the maids exchanging gossip and greetings in a familiar language before they rushed off to their chores.
Perhaps it is the flowers that bloom in profusion no matter where my parents live. From our first home in the old city where together they sifted mud and gravel, adding just the right amount of sand to coax out the largest roses, to the carpet grass in our second home that they lovingly tended, spending long hours with gardeners discussing which seasonals should go where, to these gorgeous Bougainvillea here on the terrace, we’ve always had flowers.
Perhaps it is the odd pieces of furniture that have survived the moves, like this swing that I sit on, each creak familiar, each squeak telling a story, every languid move bringing with it a memory of long hours lounging on it mugging up for a Geology exam or solving Math equations.
Or perhaps it is simply the sense of space that ‘home’ has always had, the sense that I try to bring to my flat, hoping to make it a home for my children. I have always loved my home, no matter where I’ve been but it isn’t the same. I can never quite re-create ‘home’, perhaps because the feeling is only in my head.
Or perhaps it is the comforting presence of my parents as they sit talking, bickering vigorously about everything from why he shouldn’t travel so much to why she shouldn’t stay so long on Facebook.
Perhaps it is all of that.
Perhaps home is not a physical place after all but a feeling, a feeling that I belong.
The other day a friend of mine, who is taking baby steps in baking, got me a freshly baked loaf of bread. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am exceptionally fortunate when it comes to friends.
I’d have been fine with a slice or two, but she insisted I keep the entire loaf, ‘I baked it specially for the children,’ said she. I felt a little awkward but she insisted. After a bit of a back and forth and a promise that she’d charge me for it I accepted, with a heartfelt thank you. ‘I hope the children enjoy it,’ she added giving me a hug.
We are all a little awkward when it comes to receiving, aren’t we? I know I am. It’s like an obligation which, I feel, I have to repay. That’s the way I was brought up. The idea was ‘If you cannot repay a favour, don’t accept it.’
I grew up meticulously keeping hisaab, refusing favours and always remembering to give back if I did accept something. Receiving made me uncomfortable, a little smaller, perhaps.
We talk of giving all the time and I’m all for it, but isn’t receiving an equally important aspect? There has to be a balance of come kind, I presume. After all there can be no giving without receiving.
Five ways receiving enriches your life Share on X
As moms, parents, adults we are used to giving all the time. It would do us good to sit back and receive for a change. So all of you out there:
Accept, without any thought of paying back, simply with an open heart full of gratitude and nothing else.
PS: In case you were wondering, the bread was absolutely scrumptious – soft, flavourful and ‘cinnamony’ with a mild sweetness and nuts and raisins that sprung a delicious surprise in each bite.
Perfect!
and with #ChattyBlogs from Shanaya Tales
This post is dedicated to my dear cousin brother. Every few days Hrit gets this huge doubt, “Mama is Bobby Mama a boy or a girl?” (Sorry about that Bobby) I presume I must have been preoccupied each time he posed the query. I brushed off his question with a.. “Of course he’s a boy.” or, “Boy, boy.. now finish your roti.” or even “He’s a boy baba.. now no more talking.. close your eyes and sleep.” However, the query kept coming on and on. I was rather puzzled because it wasn’t like he hadn’t met my cousin. In fact they got along pretty well. So I asked, “Why do you keep asking Hrit?” He replied finally, “If he’s a boy how can he be a ‘mama’? He should be a papa, isn’t it?” Hmmm that explains it all.