Author: Tulika

Hrit was spilling water the other day and here’s what Naisha had to say to him:

‘Arre paani mat spill kariye..main phisal jaaungi toh mera head broke ho jayega aur phir aapke paas ek bhi sister naihn hogi itna pyar karne ke liye.’

Hrit of course, in true insensitive male tradition, was hardly moved by this emotional appeal. He proceeded to promptly thwack her on the head with his badminton racket. Yes Nisha.. in case you’re reading .. this is the same racket you gifted him for Christmas, thank you.

Damn Damn Damn … it’s Hrit Naisha’s first day of school after month-long Diwali vacations and I’ve forgotten to put back their report cards in their bags.
Mess up number two: Even when the school shut Naisha’s sports skirt had become much too short for her and I forgot to get her a new one… Tomorrow is sports day and she/I will be in deep s*** if she isn’t able to wear it to school. The dress shop is all the way in Borivali! Damn.
But wait… it’s just school… so what if I send their report cards a day late?? So what if Naisha’s sent back for not wearing the right dress from school? It’s just ONE day among hundreds and hundreds that she WILL go properly dressed. Why oh why does a single mess up fill me with SUCH dread?
It’s almost like I’m back in school and worrying obsessively about whether I have my badge and ribbon, whether I’ve cut my nails, whether I’ve got the right time table… worry worry worry! I remember carrying ALL my books to school every day rather than going by the timetable for fear of being punished if I left a particular book home. Now, I’ve transferred that same anxiety to Hrit Naisha’s school.
Well part of it is because there ARE mothers who NEVER mess up, mothers who are contemptuous and unforgiving of others who do. And of course part of it is simply my overanxious personality. Anyway.. the worry here is not ME, but Hrit and Naisha.. I do NOT want to transfer my anxiety to them.. I do NOT want them carrying a truckload of books to school everyday like their chump of a mom. I want their school days to be carefree and fun. Yet I’d like them to respect school rules and be ‘good’ children. Oh for a balance!
Well for starters….. I need to stop obsessing about their school. I need to remember it’s THEIR school NOT mine. And, for now, I simply need to concentrate on making them conscious of school rules. Later perhaps I’ll need to tell them it’s not the end of the world if you do make a mistake. I can only hope to God they manage to strike a balanceIf I could, I would sweep off all anxieties and pains from their lives… but I guess I’ll have prepare them the best I can and will have to learn to watch them tread their paths alone, handle their apprehensions and fears on their own. And continue to pray and hope I’ve prepared them well.Epilogue: I ended up with the master of messups …. I lost their report cards… then obsessed about it for days… finally wrote in their diary and got new ones issued!!! It was that simple. The princi didn’t even call me to her office and fire me! Hah!

Is it obsessive
* to look at the moon and think ‘damn what’s the point of coming out now when the kids have slept’… they soooo love to see the moon. * when I’m out without the kids and people look at me and say ‘oh I almost didn’t recognise you without the two little ones’. * to shout out ‘look aeroplane’, then realise the kids are not with me and I’m out on the road alone with people looking at me like I’m crazy. * to look at Hrit and Naisha and think.. no not just think… really believe no one has kids as sweet and special as mine. * to experience a moment of mad panic when I don’t feel two tiny hands in mine and then realise I didn’t bring the kids out with me.