Obsessivemom

18/05/201415/04/2017

So, what’s the right time to allow a sleepover?

After some happy hours of play, N came in for lunch today bubbling with excitement. ‘Mama may I go to V’s house for a sleepover?’ She asked. I was kind of prepared, since a few minutes earlier I’d had a phone call from V asking the same question and I’d put her off saying I’d get back to her.

This marks the entry of my twins in second phase of their lives – the beginning of a new set of parenting decisions and dilemmas. With the kids’ eighth birthday round the corner I thought I still had a few years before queries such as this one popped up.

In all honesty, I questioned myself – Is she ready for a sleepover?

The answer is ‘probably yes’. Here’s why I think so..

Since she asked, no begged, for it she probably is ready.

She has slept away from me (with my sister and her cousins) a few times.

She doesn’t wake up too often during the night.

She’s pretty independent (in my absence).

She behaves like a gem (in my absence).

So yes she’s ready for it.

The second thing I asked myself was Who is she spending the sleepover with?.

And there were where the worries lay. Nope, there’s nothing wrong with the family. They live in the same society as us and I see them around pretty frequently. They’re in that vague slot between acquaintances and friends. However, how okay was it to let a child casually call up and invite a friend for a sleepover, I wondered. Am I over reacting in thinking this is a watershed moment in my kids’ life? That this is a big deal? Is it just like a simple play date or an evening out with friends (which I am also dubious about till I know the family well)?

I would have certainly appreciated some reassurance from the mum.

And I had queries. Lots of them…

Who else is coming?

Who are the other adults in the house?

What about older siblings?

What would they be doing before they turn in for the night?

Would they be watching scary TV? (Such a no no!)

Being a girl thing would they be talking/trying out dress up and makeup? (aren’t they too young for that?)

What time would they actually sleep?

I would have liked to ask all of those and maybe some more. Yes I’d have liked a chat with the mum.

Sounds like I’m fussy? Well I’m entrusting the most precious thing of my life to a relative stranger, I have to fuss. I am well aware I’m a tad reluctant in letting the kids go. (It’s not quite right and I’m working on it. The progress has been slow, I might add).

Mercifully an old friend is arriving with her kids the morning of the proposed sleepover so the decision was made rather easily.

What was not so easily done is conveying the news to N. I had the heartbreaking task of delivering the ‘no’ watching her tiny face crumble into tears.

That, right there, is the time I HATE being a mum.

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Linking that bit of introspection to Write Tribe’s Free Write for the Wednesday prompt.

12/05/201415/04/2017

One happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to all fellow mums. Not that we need a special day.. yet I bet yesterday was special. Mine was too. I was plied with gifts through the day.

Check out my booty..

1. Moments of peace

My first gift of the day was a ceasefire. “No fighting today, mama,” they declared to me (like I was responsible for all the fighting that goes on through the day), “because it is Mother’s Day and you hate it when we fight.”

So there was peace.

Bliss…..

…. For a full ten minutes!!

2. A Sea Horse card

… from my son who is in the ‘water kingdom’ phase.

Other mums in the family got a fish, a seal, a water snake and a snail card!

3. Some great advice

….from my daughter – to celebrate Mother’s Day at Mc Donald’s’. Consumerism’s sure caught up with the kids.

4. A pet bunny

5. And I got my portrait done too

… by my daughter.

Just perfect.

06/05/201415/04/2017

Notes from a survivor

It’s five days and my celebratory jig hasn’t stopped. Yeah I survived.

Oh it has been exhausting (the jig as well as the Challenge) but what a journey it’s been.

How I got caught

Blogging has, for years, been my happiness thing. I had always believed any kind of mandatory writing would take away that pleasure. However this year I discovered it needn’t. Carried along on the wave of enthusiasm of some dear friends I put up my name for the April A to Z Challenge and it’s been a blast.

..and I planned

On advice from veterans I wrote up almost 21 posts in March. Wasn’t an easy thing to do since I’m such a last minute person. Besides, I’m rarely happy when I read what I’ve written, so I end up reworking and rewriting and editing and sometimes deleting it all and starting from scratch. However I had to be satisfied with simply tweaking the finished posts before publishing them this time. Okay I redid four or five and that was it. Those that I’d left for the last minute almost endangered my challenge but did get done before noon everytime.

Oh the thrill!

Each day I woke up with such a feeling of anticipation, my head buzzing with author facts. The comments would start coming in .. Warm and encouraging and I’d flit crazily between reading, answering, visiting and posting for the next day. It’s truly the best feeling in the world. A bit like having month-long exams in your favourite subject, one you know you can handle. Oh I messed up too, scheduling a post for a Sunday then withdrawing it, like a typical amateur. Hee hee.

A bit of a regret

My only regret is I didn’t visit enough blogs. This year I was more concerned with getting my posts out in time. Maybe next year I’ll manage things better. Yes, I think I’m in for the next year. Whatever little I read I enjoyed thoroughly. What a reading feast it has been. Fellow bloggers – Aditi, Shailaja, Shilpa, Vidya, Oven-goodies… all amazing reads.. most I’ll continue to follow faithfully.

The Acknowledgements

Before I end I do need to thank some family members.

First my SIL, S, an avid reader, who was even more excited than me at the choice of Amazing Authors as my theme. She made me mail her my list of authors, added suggestions and mailed it right back. Then lobbied pretty fiercely for her favourites and is still a trifle miffed because I didn’t do justice to her favourite Ha Jin.

My sister, who also lobbied, though more subtly, for her favourite Shashi Tharoor and when I couldn’t find a place for him in the S or the T suggested I go in for an Amazing Authors Dvitiya, (Amazing Authors II).

My friend J, who put up with my endless chatter about the Challenge – during our late night walks, in the gym or even during our coffee outings.

Thank you guys – you’re the bestest girl-friends I could ever ask for.

Finally a huge thank you to my co-participants. You’re the only ones who can truly understand how I’m feeling. Thanks for reading and commenting so faithfully. Suzy, Sreeja, Nabanita, Sulekha, Beloo .. it was good to have you guys around. Thank you all for making it so much fun. I’ll see you around in blogsphere.

Those then, are my Reflections on the April A to Z Challenge.

30/04/201415/04/2017

Z is for Zadie Smith

Born 1975

From the age of 5 to 15 Zadie Smith wanted to be an actress. She was pretty good at tap dancing and dreamt of starring in a musical. By the time she was in her mid teens she realised there were hardly any musicals being made and decided to part with that dream. And then writing happened.

She was born in London to a British father and Jamaican mother who migrated to Britain in 1969. She was christened Sadie Smith. At 14 she changed her name to Zadie. Interestingly a love for music runs in the family as two of her younger brothers are rappers.

Her debut

… was the stuff of fairy tales. At the University while studying English Literature she published a few short stories for a collection of new student writing called Mays Anthology. A publisher read those stories and offered her a contract for her first book, which made her go in search of a literary agent. Seems like a dream debut, doesn’t it?
On the basis of a partial manuscript her book was auctioned among publishers. During her final year at Cambridge she finished her book, White Teeth. It was an runaway success. So overwhelmed was she that she went into a writer’s block. “I think (the success of this book is) a surprise which will last me my whole life,” she said in an interview. Her second book Autograph Man also proved to be a success.

White Teeth

…began as a short story except it was hardly short, more of a Novella. And so she decided to expand it into a full sized novel. It spans three generations telling the story of two friends, World War II veterans Archie and Samad. It follows their lives and then of their children who pick varied paths in life. It touches upon issues of immigrants, war, religion and friendship. I liked the way the book jumps back and forth between England, Jamaica and Bangladesh bringing it all alive through vibrant descriptions.

On writing

…. Smith has rather interesting views. First, she doesn’t believe in creative writing classes. She dismisses them as ‘support groups for writers who find writing therapeutic’. And writing’s no therapy, she feels. She advises extensive reading as the best way to become a writer. “The more people you read the better writer you become,” she says.

She likes to write in ‘any small room with no natural lighting’. She’s quite the rule breaker when it comes to a writing regime. Some days she writes all day and some days she cannot get beyond two hours. She hates being told about successful authors who follow specific regimes.

Isn’t that heartening? Perhaps it IS okay to do things your own way and follow no one at all. So it doesn’t matter that Enid Blyton wrote 10,000 words a day in her ‘red’ room, or that Ian Fleming needed to get away to Jamaica each year to get that novel done, or that Dahl moved to his tiny shed away from the house. All one needs to do to become a writer is do things her own way and write from the heart.

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And finally that’s The End! The April A to Z Challenge ends today and I really have no idea what I’ll do with myself. Looking forward to visiting all you lovely people now.

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This post is part of the April A to Z Challenge, 2014 for the theme AMAZING AUTHORS.

Also linking to the Ultimate Blog Challenge.

28/04/201415/04/2017

Y is for Yiyun Li

Born 1972

Though born a Chinese, English is her chosen language of expression. Yiyun Li was born in Beijing China. As a student of Immunology she moved to America for further studies in 1996 intending to become a researcher just like her parents wanted her to. She had never written anything and writing was far from her mind.

Writing happened quite by chance

During her days in America she attended an evening community writing class. She followed it up with more classes. Meanwhile she wrote some short stories. One of her stories, Immortality, was read by the Pulitzer Prize winning author Alen Mc Pherson. He was so excited he tracked Li down through a friend and sent a message saying she must continue too write. That made up her mind for her. A writer she did become.

Short stories and more..

Yiyun Li draws her subjects from China. Most of her stories are about small powerless people. Perhaps that’s why they are often cynical, tragic and frustrating. Her first book, which includes the story, Immortality, was a short story collection titled A Thousand Years of Good Prayers. I like her stories but more than that I like the glimpse of China she offers. Bits of history, the mood of the people, life under a dictatorship – all of that woven together in heat rending tales. Her writing is richly sprinkled with Chinese mythology and Chinese proverbs that she translates into English lending it a quaint quality.

The novel

Set in the 1970s The Vagrants is her debut novel. It opens with the gruesome hanging of a young woman and goes on to explore how different people in the city react to it. This one is no cheerful read, nor is it for those with weak stomachs. You despair as you find the eyes of dictatorship everywhere, corrupting everything and everyone, allowing for no escape. It reminded me a bit of George Orwell’s 1984. This one however is way more gruesome and graphic in gory detail. Not really my kind of book.

In China..

…Li refuses to release her books. They have been translated into over 20 languages but not in her native Mandarin. In a number if interviews she has said she feels China is not ready for her books just as much a she is not ready for them to be read in her country of birth.
Talking about whether her books represent China and its way of life she says, “It’s never my job to explain China.. We never ask an American writer to represent America or a British writer to represent Britain.” Yet it seems unavoidable that her characters are taken to depict China. Reminds me how Pearl Buck’s The Good Earth has come to represent China of another age.

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And finally it’s time for the last post tomorrow. This last author, is half British, half Jamaican and aspired to be an actress before the literary world beckoned.

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This post is part of the April A to Z Challenge, 2014 for the theme AMAZING AUTHORS.

Also linking to the Ultimate Blog Challenge.