MW critical.. is it murder?

Our over ten year old faithful Microwave was murdered yesterday by an egg. Well actually the blame must be shared. The egg …. the early morning rush.. my ignorance .. the family members who sometimes make just too many demands. However nothing counts now. MW is no more.

It all happened during the morning rush while I was trying to prepare breakfast for the three loves of my life. All wanted eggs but one could eat only boiled, the other wanted French Toast and the third said he’d be happy with an omelet. No problem said I.. it was a Saturday, you see, and I wanted them all pampered and happy. And so while I got going with the onion chopping I thought I’d get MW to boil the egg … and bang.. disaster struck.

Within five minutes the egg was blown to pieces taking poor harmless MW with it. As I dashed to the site of the accident I found egg pieces strewn all over. MW looked deceptively alive.. almost as if it would come on at the flick of a switch and start warming my leftovers with a relish. But appearances, as they say, are deceptive and MW it seems is really dead and gone.

Not one to give up on a loved one we called Just Dial for MW doctors and got quite a list. The first one on the list was summoned home. The operation began under our watchful eyes. MW sat there in all its vulnerability with its innards exposed while the ‘doctor’ worked diligently.

“How on earth did so much water get inside?” was his puzzled query as he dried up MW.

‘So that’s where all the water went,’ I thought silently, while my gentleman husband kept quiet about my hand in the murder. Well come to think of it.. it was a mistake — a sad one one but certainly not murder in cold blood.

In any case the doctor hemmed and hawed and tchhed for a long time before pronouncing MW dead. We gave up hope and with tear laden eyes readied to bid adieu when “Wait” said the ‘doctor’ dramatically, “Maybe, just maybe we can do something.” A glimmer of hope. “I’ll have to take him to the hospital and see whether I can revive him,” he said.

And so we wait with baited breath for some good news. Meanwhile it’s cold leftovers and plenty of pan-washing for us.

Come back MW.. we miss you.

Sick bed chronicles

The virus has now has one half of the family in its clutches, one quarter just managed to vanquish it and the last quarter .. is struggling to keep it at bay.

I thought with Hrit Naisha down it couldn’t get worse.. but apparently it could and it did with Sunil going down too and badly. What’s even worse is that Hrit is well and in complete form. He can’t stand being at number three on my list of priorities.

For the past two days he has been running around the house pushing the computer revolving chair (which he insists on calling the ‘wheel chair’), dragging foot mats, toys, dustbins and whatever else it can gather along.. in and out of the balcony and all the rooms. He took great umbrage when I barred him from the ‘sick bay’. Sunil was in such a bad temper I thought he’d get the smacking of his life.

Talking of bad tempers.. Sunil was as grouchy as a bear with a sore head… (except he had a sore head all his own) I felt awful dragging him to the doctors for Naisha’s checkup but it was pouring and I needed chauffering. I reached a minute late carrying a protesting Hrit staright from the school bus stop. Apparently he didn’t want to go to the doctor’s in his school dress.. ” You don’t go anywhere in your school dress. Everyone will see me like this,” he howled, as if that was the end of the world.

By the time we reached the doctor Sunil was already calling me and complaining. “Our appointment was for 1pm, it’s already 1.10, why isn’t the doc seeing us,” he cribbed. In his defence I must add that he was running a high fever himself so it must have been quite an effort getting out. Also he has very little experience with doctors. And so my dear ignorant husband had no idea how long the wait can be.

While I was trying to decide who to pacify between a hugely irritated husband and a howling son, Naisha lay down in the waiting room out of sheer weakness and that set my priorities right. I left the father-son duo to their own devices and headed over to her. Meanwhile Sunil got a phone call and was lost to the world and Hrit seeing that no one was appreciating his tantrum was so wild he proceeded to systematically throw all the shoes and sandals outside the doctor’s waiting room.

Finally I got Naisha’s prescription and sent her off with Sunil while I got her med cert with a howling Hrit refusing to budge from my side. The looks I got from the other patients could have killed a normal human being.. but that I’m not.. I’m a mother to twins.

After we got home and the three sick and/or sulking people were given three kinds of lunches which they didn’t finish (no I’m not complaining even though I slogged over all those special farmaishes.. they are sick.. it’s okay).

I asked the local medical shop to send across medicine and in the melee forgot to ask him to get a bill. The surly husband gave the completely clueless delivery boy a huge lecture on getting medicines without bills. (Haven’t you seen on TV.. govt ads say selling without a bill is stealing… and on and on). I’m sure he’ll disconnect the line next time I ask him for a home delivery.

Then it was the turn of a telemarketing lady to get it from Sunil. All she offered was a loan at low interest rates. Sunil pretty much bit her head off.. What exactly is ‘low’? Do you know simple mathematics? That is not ‘low’ at all. Then she suggested if he could refer friends who needed loans and got a very curt, “Why would my friends come to me with their loan problems? Am I a bank?”

After that there was relative peace with Naisha and Sunil falling asleep and Hrit playing with his ‘wheel chair’ which he ‘drove around’ mercifully quietly.

Another day went by.

Naisha seems better today, should be in school on Monday after one long week at home. Sunil too seems better. Touch wood. I so want the family on it’s feet and out of my way.

Perish the virus

Recovering from two viral attacks is tough.. not one after the other but simultaneously. I have always maintained that Hrit and Naisha never trouble me together, if one is giving me a hard time the other is a model of goodness. This time they decided to make an exception, perhaps just to prove the rule. Trying to handle two four-year-olds is a challenge but trying to handle two sick four-year-olds is total insanity.
The thing about viral is that medicines don’t count. With the dependable Crocin rendered useless I resorted to sponging.
Hrit went first with his fever touching a high at 2 in the morning. When the sponging starts Hrit just gets more verbose.
With Naisha it’s me who needs to do the talking to keep her distracted. She gets quite pathetic with cries of ‘Mama do something’ and her age old ‘bahar chalo’. However, once the fever went down, the water being that Naisha is, she started to enjoy it all and proceeded to sponge herself with gusto.

The challenges that come with the virus…

  • To remember who has to be given which medicine and who is due for the next six-hourly dose.
  • To get both kids, who are now not babies by any means, on my lap without one murdering the other.
  • To cater to food fusses with one turning into a parantha freak and the other getting hung up on khichdi.
  • To sort TV fights which, though always there, took on a vicious ferocity. (I WON’T watch Ben 10, I NEVER get to watch Ben 10).
  • To let one of them wear a yellow tee with yellow shorts while the other one chooses a party dress to wear at home.
  • To get the housework done with the two kids wanting me ‘alone’ with each of them all the time.

Fun huh?

 PS: Now I know what made Babar pray to God to give him Humayun’s illness.

Happy happy happy

After five years, writing something that’s worth publishing feels so goooooood. Even if it’s Chicken Soup…
Thank You Bhopal!
************

Writing a new story

I’m sorry we don’t have anything suitable for you,” said the receptionist behind the desk as she handed me my resume. I felt the now familiar feeling of despair. I counted off mentally — this was the fifth ‘no’ I’d received over the week.

It had been four months since my husband’s transfer brought us to this small town and I felt like a fish out of water. Life seemed to have come to a stand still after the hustle and bustle of vibrant Mumbai. I missed my work, my colleagues, my friends. God, I even missed the overcrowded Mumbai locals. My job with a large financial corporation seemed like a distant dream. Back in the nineties, smaller Indian towns had barely any financial activity. For someone used to spending over 12 hours at work, sitting home was punishment. I needed to work.

I went to the few placement agencies in the city. Not satisfied with that I went to the business hub and dropped off my resume at all suitable offices.

No luck! Either I was rejected for being ‘over qualified’ or the jobs just didn’t excite me. Now, after almost a month of serious job hunting I was still jobless.

I pored over my resume looking for other qualifications I could use. I had a dual specialization in marketing and finance… so if finance wasn’t working out maybe it was time for a marketing job. Every city needed people to market something, I reasoned. I had no experience but I had to give it a shot.

Soon I was back at the offices with a new resume highlighting my marketing qualifications, back to the placement agents telling them I was okay with a marketing job.

Then followed another wearisome round of interviews and the ‘no-thank-yous’ really hurt. There were times I had a brusque ‘no vacancy’ flung at me heartlessly. Sometimes people would glance at my resume and dismiss me with a curt ‘but you have no experience’. Other times the reasons were bizarre. ‘You are an MBA but you will be reporting to a graduate, it won’t work’ even stranger ‘we have an all-male team, you’re a girl you just won’t fit’. I’d have laughed if I hadn’t been so miserable. Worse, there were times I couldn’t even get past the receptionist. I’d plead with her to let me meet the management. But they were always ‘busy’.

It was frustrating and I despaired. Was there really nothing I could do? I felt worthless. My self-confidence, always a tad shaky, took a deep plunge. My husband was busy with the demands of his new assignment and I felt well and truly alone.

Then one day a neighbour dropped in. While I brought her water she idly flipped through the ‘crib diary’ I’d left on the table. This was an informal journal where I’d often pour out my anguish after tough days of job-hunting. “You write quite well,” she remarked casually, even as I took the journal from her, terribly embarrassed about my private ramblings. She left but the thought remained. After months of rejection the compliment felt good. I was good at something.. or was she merely being polite? I dismissed the thought and tried to busy myself with the housework.

That evening over dinner I mentioned the incident to my husband. “I know someone at the local newspaper why don’t you check with him. Maybe they have something suitable for you,” said he. Newspaper? No way. My only relationship with the entire publishing industry had been that of an avid reader. It was unchartered territory.

However I did make an appointment with the shift-in charge. I had

nothing to recommend me – no qualifications, no background, no experience. However I firmly pushed back all my anxieties. I tried to concentrate on what I DID have. My Convent education and love for books ensured that I was fairly well acquainted with the intricacies of written English. That was all I had.

The next morning armed with the shreds of my confidence and my resume (Why was I carrying it I wondered?) I went to the newspaper office. I had nothing to lose — perhaps it was that thought that gave me courage. I told the shift in charge I had never worked in publishing before. He silently handed me a copy and said, “Edit it.” When I finished I handed it back to him. I waited with baited breath for the dreaded ‘you won’t fit’ line.

“This is not bad,” said he, “but you realize you’ll be starting at the bottom of the ladder?” Bottom of the ladder? My brain repeated… I’m being offered a job, the thought took coherence. I stopped myself from whooping with joy and managed to reply with a sedate “Yes that’ll be fine.”

“Well then go down to the Personnel Department and work out the compensation,” said he. I tripped out feeling suddenly light and euphoric.

That’s not the end of my story, though. Each day I was assailed with doubts, I made mistakes and got laughed at. But I learnt. I learnt the intricacies of news reporting, of conducting interviews, of scanning pictures, of dummies and layouts, of ads that came in at the last moment and upset my careful space calculations. Each day was a challenge and I fell in love with it all. I’d never enjoyed work so much before.

Ironically enough a year later I was approached by the financial corporation I had been working for in Mumbai. They were setting up office in our city and wanted me to head the operations. And guess what, it was my turn to say ‘no-thank-you’.

Of birthdays and return gifts

I’d gone to drop the kids off to a birthday party. Right at the doorstep, even as he was unbuckling his shoes, H announced to the hostess, “Aunty I won’t take any gift.” He was referring, of course, to the return gift.

The hostess was rather taken aback and queried, “Why?” to which he replied, “Because only my mama gets me gifts.” N, seeing the goodies slipping out of her hands, couldn’t resist clarifying, “No no bhai if aunty will give us a gift we’ll take it but if she doesn’t we’ll tell her it’s alright.” The rather puzzled hostess led them in trying to convince Hrit to take the gift and he refusing steadfastly.

Did I overdo that bit about don’t-ask-for-return-gifts?

At four, for my sister and me, birthdays meant new clothes, a cake, a visit to the temple and an extra load of hugs from our parents. We never really had a birthday party nor did we go to one till we were old enough to take ourselves.

For the twins, birthdays simply mean parties and ‘lots of gifts’. They went to their first party at two. Now at four they are veterans.

A new-age kid’s integration in society is never really complete till he becomes active on the birthday party circuit. When they were invited to their first party in Pune I heaved a sigh of relief. Finally, I thought, they’ve found friends. However my sigh of relief soon turned into total horror when I was informed they had to go sans the mommies.

Would they behave, I wondered. All their previous bday party misdemeanours flashed across my mind… the time when H kept blowing out the candles before the birthday girl could, when N dug her fingers into the birthday cake and blissfully licked them clean, when H knocked down a child trying to give him a hug as they both danced, when they both fought over a balloon like it was the very last one on earth….

And then there was the issue of the return gift.

H and N might be shy otherwise but when it comes to extracting what they consider their due the shyness is nowhere in evidence. Even while I’m desperately trying to shush them or making my angriest face behind the hostess’ back, they WILL ask for that gift. There seems to be no escape short of gagging them.

And so I started having these long conversations before each birthday party. “Don’t ask for gifts”, “You get a gift only if it’s your birthday”, “It’s bad manners to ask for a gift”, “If you don’t ask for a gift mama will give you one when you get back” .. on and on.. back and forth repeat repeat repeat.. hopefully one day it would sink in.

After each party I’d come home disillusioned. They’d promise most sincerely to be good and then forget it all when they saw the shiny pile of gifts.

On d-day I dressed them up (which is no mean task.. but that’s a story I’ll keep for another day) and dropped them off.

When they got back they claimed they didn’t ask for a gift but “aunty gave it anyway”.