Tulika, Author at Obsessivemom

31/12/201515/04/2017

The end-of-year post

I am glad 2015 is ending. It was a tough year. And I have a hypothesis why – a trifle hare-brained but a hypothesis nonetheless.

Let me first state that I’m not superstitious. That said, I did read somewhere that the number 8 is ruled by Saturn and that people who are a number 8 (who’s date of birth adds up to 8) are often faced with obstacles. Extending the same logic to the year (Don’t ask my why, don’t even bother to think if it makes sense) I figured since it was a no 8 (2+0+1+5) it had to be a tough one.

Go ahead laugh away but you had been warned.

The Husband was away (and unhappy) for most of the year and the kids and I got onto each other’s nerves. They faked unending illnesses and drove me crazy and if they’d be blogging they probably write how I’d driven them up the wall with my impatient ways and my continuous yelling. Sigh! Nope, none of us has been easy to live with.

Later in the year a very good friend, a kind of 3am buddy, moved away to a different country. Even though we weren’t together all the while we did make time for much needed coffee dates and I could talk to her about pretty much anything. That is rather rare because although I talk a lot (to almost anyone) I don’t share much of the real stuff easily.

Then our Zumba instructor quit and my exercise schedule crashed. Only if you are an exercise regular will you realise how dreadful that can be. It plays havoc with your fitness and what’s worse, it makes you unhappy and crabby and totally unfit for any kind of company.

However as the year ends things are seeming to fall into place and I have a good feeling about 2016 – it’s a nice number 9 :-). I’m not a resolution person – one year is really too long a time to stick to even one of them. However I can hope and make a wish. And while I’m at it why make just one? So here’s what I wish for me in the new year.

With the Husband readying for a new assignment and the kids entrenched firmly in their tweens change is set to be the new constant of my life. I like routine and work best to a plan so change is my undoing. The plan for this year is to be ready with a constantly changing plan. That’s my first wish:

Welcome change.

Next on the list is trust. Trust in myself. When it comes to decisions that concern me or the kids I know best, and I need to remember that. Nobody is in my shoes, no one – not my neighbour, not my best friend not even my sister or my mom. And if I make mistakes, well they’re mine to own and I shall live with them. This, I need to remember:

Trust ‘me’.

This year I met up with a friend who swears by The Secret. I tried reading the book but didn’t quite take to it. However I do believe in the power of positive thinking. Here’s the mantra she gave me, ‘Focus on what you want, don’t obsess about the ‘how’ or about the obstacles that will stall you – things have a way of falling in place. I like the sound of that. And so that’s the third wish:

Believe first, then make it happen.

I’m a master procastinator. Being on my own means there’s no one to push me to do things and so the status quo just goes on and on till it can no longer wait and then I have this avalanche of work to deal with and I end up feeling completely overwhelmed. That’s my next mantra:

Put off procrastination.

Fitness is always on my mind however what I need is consistency. Here goes my next wish for myself: One form of exercise everyday baring Sundays – Walk/Zumba/Weights whatever but:

An hour of exercise.

And lastly for obvious reasons I wish for me,

Patience.

…lots and lots of it.

What is it that you wish for yourself in the new year? Hope you get it all and that 2016 is as perfect as it can get.

23/12/201515/04/2017

A gratitude post

There’s something peculiar about how time flies between posts. I checked back and realised almost three weeks had gone by since I last wrote. Going through my posts I also realised I have been sounding upset and angry and overworked.. which is true to some extent, however it’s not like I haven’t had my happy moments. And so today I shall try to count my blessings.

Here are 10 things that made me happy and/or grateful.

1. The Husband came home after a harrowing time at the Chennai floods with scary tales of being stranded without food (that he’s a diabetic made it worse) yet also with heartwarming stories of strangers lending a helping hand. A man on the road lent him his phone to call us (since his died out), a small kiosk owner lent him money (because the ATMs were all down) and another one got him food. It was amazing how adversity brought out the best in so many people.

That’s definitely something to be grateful for.

2. My relationship with the gym has seen more misses than hits these last few months. However I’ve managed to include a walk most mornings. That it is in the company of some good friends and great conversation makes it something I truly look forward to.

3. And the days I do manage to go, for a Zumba session that one hour is without fail the happiest hour of my day.

4. At a function in our apartment complex H and N put up a performance together and did pretty well. That’s reason to rejoice – not that they did it well but that did something TOGETHER without absolutely killing each other. They recited an edited version of the TV poem from Roald Dahl’s Charlie and the Chocolate Factory – a most delightful read.

5. Another happiness comes from the Book Club which is back on it’s feet. Despite having a million things on my mind, I’ve managed to keep it going simply because that one hour with the children makes me happy. It’s a bit of a struggle but is completely worth it.

6. I got some long pending chores done all on my own. I won’t go into what they were (mind numbingly boring stuff mostly, including painting the house) but I did get successively happier with each tick on the to-do list.

7. The next happiness is courtesy my daughter. N has been on a good behaviour streak for some time now (even as I write this I feel I’m jinxing it) and that’s been a source of happiness and gratitude. An evening spent struggling with her homework all on her own is a tiny miracle for a reluctant academic like her.

8. The husband’s absence these past few months made me handle chores which were essentially ‘his’ territory and he was duly impressed even though I’ll had to hit him on the head to make him admit it. But he knows. And I know that he knows and He knows that I know that he knows… so it’s a yay!

9. Holidays are round the corner and I am beginning to feel all Christmasy and holidayee. I hear carols around me and the kids have put up the Christmas tree already. Good things are round the corner, I’m sure.

10…. And lastly, finally finally I managed a post.

There! Those are the things that made up my happiness. Your turn now – tell me what made you happy.

28/11/201515/04/2017

Of ‘well-meaning’ advice

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Dear well-wisher friend,

This letter comes after much thought and heartache. I’m sure you remember yesterday’s incident. The kids were playing together on the slide. Of course they are too old to slide the conventional way so they were inventing a host of games climbing up, sliding down, crashing into each other, creating a ‘jam’. There was some amount of roughhousing but they were having fun.

After a while we heard a commotion and by the time we got there N was in tears while H stood looking guilty. Apparently as he pulled her down the slide he twisted her ankle. Worse, her dress climbed up embarrassing her and bringing out the tears.

Yes I felt her embarrassment every bit as acutely as she did herself. After all she gets it from me – this feeling of wanting to disappear from the face pf the earth at the slightest unfavourable attention. Given that some of it was witnessed by a bunch of boys and girls, must have felt terrible. I know the feeling. I’ve been there – many times over.

I took H aside, gave him a talking to and sent him home.

However, I seemed to have failed you in your expectation. According to you I should have meted out a harsher punishment. No, it wasn’t enough that I speak to him later at home. I was too soft on him, you felt. He deserved a dressing down right there before his friends. He should have been embarrassed just as he had embarrassed N so that he would remember it the next time, you said.

I wholeheartedly agree H needs to be sensitive in the playground. I know he gets carried away in a crazy sort of way. I agree he needs to be punished. However I do not think shaming him in public is the way to do it. You may not agree of course, and that’s your prerogative entirely.

While you remain my friend and have known the twins for some time I’d like to remind you that I do know them a little better than you. I know what H did wasn’t done with the intention of embarrassing N while should I have done the same to him it would have been very much intentional, that, when I’m decades older than him and hopefully more sensible.

Also, you were not there to see that by the time we got home H had done both our beds, warmed the food, set the table and served us all dinner – his way of saying ‘sorry’. I also know that he may err again. I know it might take him time to turn into the perfect gentleman that I hope he will become one day. I am prepared to wait.

Meanwhile I’m happy to inform you that the incident has done no permanent damage to N going by the way she was wrestling with H this morning.

Your comments hurt me terribly, even though I am convinced I did the right thing. Perhaps that is because, of late, I’ve been on extremely rocky parenting ground constantly analysing each step I take till somedays I feel I feel I’ll go completely crazy. I’d truly appreciate if you keep your suggestions, however well-meaning, as I’m sure they are, to yourself.

Also, if you do have some serious advice, I’d love for you to say it to me directly, rather than saying it came from one of the kids because then I am more likely to take it seriously.

Thank you again for your concern.

24/11/201515/04/2017

Obsessivemom needs a break

The OM is upset. It’s the kids. They have been giving her a specially rough time. Put it down to the long Diwali break, the absence of the husband or simply to the twins’ terrible tweens. She’s been by turns, angry, hurt and frustrated. So she seeks out her better self – The Sane Mum. You might remember her from here here or here .

OM: Did you just see how the twins spoke to me? How unappreciative and ungrateful they have become? And how very rude!

SM: I did. Have you noticed that they’re growing up?

OM: I have. But does that mean they have to be rude and argumentative all the time? They’re children still and I am still their mum. I still AM the older one around here. Or does no one remember that any longer?

SM: It might do well for you to remember that you are the older one here. You aren’t really handling this like a grown up. Actually, I’ve been waiting awhile to have this conversation.

I’ve watched you being drawn into long fruitless arguments. I see you realising you’re going nowhere and yet unable to stop.

I’ve seen the endless war of wills and watched them all end badly.

I’ve seen you get into control freak mode the more they resist; the more you control the more they resist.

I’ve watched the kids trying to assert their independence and also seen with regret how you’ve waited for them to fail.
And then you’ve been ready with your ‘I told you sos’.

I’ve seen Mushy Mum (MM) run and hide till Mean Mum (MeM) takes over and then I’ve been witness to your heartfelt regret.

Cut them, and yourself, some slack will you!

OM: So you’ve been having a laugh at my expense? Well, they might THINK they’re grown up but I still have to guide them in a hundred things. They NEED me still.

SM: … and they always will. But perhaps it’s time to guide them not by holding their hand and leading them but simply by showing them the way.

OM: It’s just easier to pull them along.

SM: Sure is. Keep doing that and watch them run the other way.

OM: There’s no need to get sarcastic.

SM: Uh okay..sorry. I kind of know how you feel. It’s the way you’re made – manufactured to obsess. But you need a makeover, and fast, or you’re set to lose them.

OM (panicking): Lose them?

SM: Yeah. You need to remember that the kids are no longer babies. What worked for you might not work for them … or it may … they want to figure it out themselves. Let them do it. They need a break from your obsessing.

OM: So it’s all my fault? Exactly whose side are you on?

SM: Their’s. But so are you, aren’t you? We’re all on the same side.

OM: Yeah right but I don’t want to leave.

MM: Nor do I. They just don’t want me around these days.

SM: I don’t think ANY of us wants to leave. But OM you need to change into me, or at least disguise yourself really well as me. As for MM, you need to be around too but don’t ever, ever show up in public. Keep those hugs and kisses in check. When the two of you are in your element there really is no space for me. And you do need me most at this point of time.

OM: You’re unbearably pompous. So the two of us should go into hiding while you rule the roost?

SM: That’s right. Unless you want to lose the kids.

OM: No no of course not. I’ll give it a shot but I have a feel this is going to be a rough ride. Sigh!

17/11/201515/04/2017

The Pink run

So it’s done and dusted for this year – the Pinkathon , the all-women’s run for breast cancer awareness. Remember how excited I had been about it last November? I devoted some two months of practice and three blog posts to it (here is one of them ) not to talk of the innumerable mentions on Facebook. I registered a month in advance and was super excited and a little anxious wondering if I’d finish the 5Km I’d set out to do.

There really is something special about a first time.

This year I did it again but without half the enthusiasm. I managed a spot registration just a day before the run and went in without any preparation at all.

I won’t even go into the reasons for the lack of enthusiasm that seems to of late, cloud almost all things I used to love. The important part is that I did manage to push myself to complete 5kms. The moment the first warm up Zumba song rang out I knew I was going to have fun, even though I was sorely missing my last year’s buddy who has since moved to a different country.

I have to say this – Ladies, if your city hosts the Pinkathon go for it at least once. It offers a valuable message: Choose a healthy lifestyle, do not ignore your fitness, make time for it. That’s something most women are likely to forget, specially once the kids come along.

If that doesn’t pull you in, go for the fun of it. It’s a party out there. The Pinkathon is like the happiest, most amazing carnival ever. Women of all shapes and sizes run this marathon. Heck! you don’t even need to run – a jog or a walk is good enough. It is currently hosted in 8 Indian cities – Pune, Bombay, Delhi, Chennai, Ahmedabad, Guwahati, Bangalore and Hyderabad.

I would have liked to go for 10 Kms like I’d resolved last year but that didn’t happen. However, since I’d been walking/jogging on and off, this was quite effortless. Last year it marked the culmination of my fitness efforts, this year I am hoping it marks the start of it.

Oh and did I mention the brand ambassador remains hot as ever? Well he does.

Here are some pictures from the event.