If you have a son…

.. you might find this useful. Mum to mum — a list of skills you need to master. Oh I’m not talking about stuff like patience and endurance, you’ll never have enough of those anyway. I’m talking of real, practical things. Read on..

1.  Learn to fill air in cycle tyres. It’s a backbreaking task and the air refuses to stay inside whizzing out as soon as you remove the wretched pump.

2. Learn to assemble a thousand tiny pieces to make a robot/train/building. Or else you can hide away such toys as soon as they’re discovered under that innocent-looking wrapping paper.

3. Learn to get comfortable with transformers (car to robot, robot to car, car to robot, robot to car… over and over and over again) and beyblades (you’ll be made to fix the darned thing again and again and will be dragged into matches till you’re feeling like a spinning beyblade yourself).

4. Learn to differentiate between a Saurapod and a Tyranosaurus and make up stories about them.

5. Learn to take complaints in your stride..
– From the security guard: Your son was racing the lift.
– From the neighbour: Your son broke my potted plant.
– From the other neighbour: Your son messed up my rangoli.
– From the aunty in the next building: I got hit by your son’s football.
– At a birthday party: Your son tripped the girls, burst the balloons, brought down the streamers, licked the cake.

6. Detach yourself from worldly goods. You really don’t know how long that gorgeous clock you got for the kids’ room will last or how long the pelmets will hold or when the sofa will breathe its last.

7. Enroll in a gymnastics class so you can balance on that tiny stool on a table on the bed to get down the clothes he tossed up on the fan/cupboard.

8. Get earplugs. Whether he’s playing computer games, watching television or out in the playground he’ll give out periodic war cries that can be pretty unsettling for the unsuspecting mum.

9. Get a laptop. You already have one? Well get another one unless you’re fond of endless tussles over computer time for sooner rather than later the brat will get hooked onto those games.

And finally the biggest, toughest one..

10. Have another son because boys play with boys…ONLY.

Edited to add: A word of caution — if you do risk point No 10, you’ll have twice as much of 1-9. That’s FYI.

Playtime

Sometimes they’re straight off the roads…
…sometimes from shin-shine malls
Of course we love our tigers ….
….. but we also like our dolls.

Linking this to the Thursday Challenge : “TOYS” (Stuffed Animals, Sports Equipment, Dolls, Video Games, Board Games, Lego,…)

Funny? ridiculous? sad?

She has a wardrobe worth 3 million euros
She is rarely seen without lipstick
She picks out all of her own clothes and has since she was one-and-a-half
She has mastered the art of tottering on designer kids’ heels
She has department stores shut so she can shop
She has a 58,000-pound tree house
She has a shoe collection bigger than her Hollywood star mum’s
She regularly hosts tea parties for her A-list kiddie friends.
Her doting parents allegedly gifted her 3.3 million pound when she turned five last April

That’s Suri..Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ daughter, just about as old as the twins. Couldn’t help but share this news item .

They said it

During the in-laws recent visit my niece (the sis-in-law’s daughter) and the twins bickered continuously over who they should stay with.. counting and comparing days .. who they stayed with for how many days. During their stay at our home the sis-in-law said she wanted to take them over for a day. Hrit was pretty miffed because they’d already ‘had their turn’. Says he, “Why are they taking our Dadu and Dadi Ma.. don’t they have their own?”

Then there was the time Naisha walked out of my room with suspiciously red lips. Ever since I vowed I’ll never act surprised at what the kids do.. I simply said, “Naisha you know you’re not supposed to wear lipstick. Go wash up.” “No mama I’m not wearing lipstick. I’m very happy today and when I’m happy my lips turn red.” Been there done that.

… and finally, she noticed I lost weight (I think). Yesterday she told me “Mama you look pretty today.. almost like masi.” ‘almost’.. hmmm. Meanwhile the compliment has masi extremely worried. Though she has always been a much much thinner version, of late she’s been struggling with her own weighty issues. So now she’s off to the gym to make sure she measures up to her niece’s expectations. Not that Naisha would notice masi being her absolute favouritest person in the whole world.

Memoirs of a Lucknow boy

Fans of flipkart raise your hands. Isn’t it just wonderful? As they get more and more popular their services only seem to get better. Last week I ordered a book and it arrived the very next day. Wow, thought I.
Then this morning I ordered four books and one of them was delivered just now. How’s that for promptness? I love this concept of piecemeal delivery of the order. It’s like they’re saying, “You start reading this one.. we’ll get the others ASAP”. And the Cash on Delivery Option is a dream.
Apparently, so well have they been doing, that they’ve launched their own courier service.

The book that arrived last week turned out to be a wonderful read — ‘Lucknow Boy A Memoir’ by Vinod Mehta. I am not a great fan of biographies, auto or otherwise. I got a surfeit of them when in school and found a lot of them boring. Then a friend recommended Andre Agassi’s “Open” and I loved it. That was what made me look at ‘Lucknow Boy’. I have to confess though, the Lucknow connection was the clincher, rather than a love for Vinod Mehta’s writings. I’ve seen him a lot of him in various debates on various television channels and have loved him for his irreverence more than anything else. This will sound silly but the picture I have of him is sitting at one such panel flanked by some nattily dressed panel members while carelessly sporting a bright bright red shirt.

As anticipated I did enjoy the Lucknow bit. In fact the first part of the book makes it a must read for every Lucknowite. Somethings he says of Lucknow resonate strongly with me.. sample this..

“Lucknow bestowed on me one priceless gift. It taught me to look at the individual rather than his religion or caste or the tongue he spoke….” Later he adds.. “…for me Muslims meant korma, Christians meant cake and pastries, Sikhs meant hot halwa, Anglo-Indians meant mutton cutlets, Parsees meant dhansak. The solitary Jewish family in town did not come withon my grasp, so I aplogize for excluding them.”… That’s my kind of man, I thought.

Also..
“Some of my better-educated, more doctrinaire friends usually discuss secularism, composite culture and the syncretic tradition…I breathed the secularism they talk of, the composite culture flows in my veins, the syncretic tradition is something I observed daily as I rode my bicycle from Firangi Mahal to Sanyal Club. I didn’t pick up my secularism from books or at university or from protest demos. For me it was a lived reality.”

That’s not all. Armed with a third class BA degree from the Lucknow University he travels to Britain. That’s where he transforms himself from that small frog in the well to a well read, well informed individual. The rest of the book talks about his editorial journey, which is even more more interesting. Someone who starts his journalistic career as the editor of Debonair can’t really be boring. Other than that he launched three newspapers only to be sacked from each of them. I liked his sense of fairness of giving media space to points of view that may/may not coincide with his own. And I loved his candour..from admitting his temper tantrums (“I was under the misapprehension that all great editors had to be ‘difficult'”) to the gravest of errors to a child he abandoned.

Towards the end he gives some ‘Sweeper’s wisdom’ to aspiring journos. I also loved the section ‘Some people’ where he gives his impressions on people ranging from Shobha De to VS Naipaul and Rushdie. Quite enjoyable.
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‘Lucknow Boy’ put me on the path of some more books, which are the ones I ordered today. Mehta heavily recommends George Orwell’s writings. While I’ve read a lot about his books, specially Animal Farm and 1984, I never got down to reading them. Also, I thought it would be fun to read more of Lucknow’s history and so included a book on that too.

‘1984’ was delivered today and I’m looking forward to a quiet evening with the kids down for the day.