Fat or what?

“Mama all the children are calling me motu”, cried H. His complaint brought an involuntary smile to my lips. It wasn’t that I was insensitive to his pain .. it’s just that it was so incongruous. One he is not fat.. at all, two even if he were, at four years of age he is just too young to start worrying about it.
In any case, he didn’t appreciate my smile at all and added with a wail, “They are teasing me mama.” I quashed the smile, gave him a hug and told him to not bother about it.
Even as I said that I knew I was asking for the impossible. At forty years of age, on the wrong side of 70 kgs, when someone tells me I am overweight it raises my hackles and in my mind that person is forever branded as insensitive and rude. And here I was advising a four-year-old to not mind his friends.
Predictably enough, he wasn’t convinced. “You give them a shout, please.” he then proceeded to escort all the kids in the playground, one by one, to their respective mothers and they were all dutifully admonished.
Kids can be quite ruthless and I do hope this teasing doesn’t stick.. once they figure out how much it distresses H I’m sure they’ll take to it with greater gusto.
What’s worse if it sticks, it stays for life.

Like it did for me. Never in my life have I been able to consider myself ‘not fat’ – thin is of course a dream. When I look back at some of my school pictures I realise I wasn’t really fat at all then.. but at that time I remember being constantly distressed about the weight — right through adolescence to — now.
I lay the blame squarely at the door of my sister and cousins. All of you guys, it is just because of you painfully thin, malnourished creatures that my chubby frame was so conspicuous. And the teasing… I don’t even want to start thinking about it.
I am having the last laugh, however. As we’ve grown older the ‘fat’ has caught up with ALL of us and ALL of us are having to work equally hard to keep it off. Hah. For me it’s an old enemy, so old that it’s almost become a part of me, a friend almost, by long association. I can handle it so much better. Double hah.
But don’t worry.. being a better human being than all of you I shall share my experience and wisdom. Write in for advice.

But I digressed… about H .. I do hope he never ever gets stuck in a body image like I did. I do hope he learns to be happy the way he is. But I do do do sincerely hope he NEVER EVER becomes overweight. Oh and N too.. though she’s so on the other side of the spectrum I don’t think I need to worry. Ummm… not yet at least (one can never tell with the evil ‘fat’).

Before I was a mum…

I never

Learnt to connect with the entire baby tribe dismissing them as a noisy, demanding bunch of inconveniences.

Stared back indignantly at co passengers in the flight who seemed to think of kids as a noisy, demanding bunch of inconveniences.

Opened the door with a gada in one hand and a dupatta in the other when the bell rang.

Answered the door with my hair in multiple ponytails because my daughter was practicing ribbon tying.

Slept with a gada, a tiger and a doll on the bed.

Danced around the fire at Lohri. 

Lay down on my stomach in the society parking lot to pull out a ball from under the car.

Habitually interrupted phone conversations to yell at the kids like a typical ‘smug married’.

Asked the pani puri wala for ‘just puris’ or the icecream man for ‘just cones’.

Walked with 19 kgs in one hand and 13 kgs in the other, on cranky days.

Rejoiced at a one hour window shopping opportunity ALONE…

… Then became deliriously happy when I reached home and was greeted with two very warm hugs.

Cried copiously while watching films like TZP. 

On story telling

Doctors say one should start reading to the kids from the time they are born.. or even when they are still fetuses. By those standards we were late starters.Initially of course the days were a haze of formula mixing and nappy changing. The only story that appealed to me was that of Sleeping Beauty.. sleeping for a hundred years.. bliss, I thought.

Which one to tell?

Then there was the issue of which one to tell. What with fairy tales peppered with evil step mothers and sisters, the choice was limited. (Take Cinderella, Snow White or for my mythology crazy kids – the Ramayan). There were fathers who abandoned their children in the jungle (Hansel and Gretel), and scary endings galore. The Pied Piper who walked away with the kids gives even me goose bumps or Red Riding Hood who was eaten up by the wolf along with her grandma.. positively a no no.

So what’s a mama to do?

Well tired of trying to pick and choose I simply proceeded to sanitize the stories. First to go were all stepmothers replaced neatly by ‘naughty aunty/queen’. Kaikeyi was just a ‘naughty queen’ in Dashrath’s palace.

Then went the scary endings.. Pied Piper was given his money and made to bring back the children, a hunter heard Red Riding Hood and scared the wolf away (the grandma also runs away instead of being eaten up).

Lastly I did away with the death sequences… the evil queen in Snow White falls off the hill ‘never to be seen again’, The troll in the Three Billy Goats is ‘carried away by the river’, the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk simply ‘breaks his head’.

Yet there are questions..
From N: In Jack and the Beanstalk the giant falls so, “His mama must have been sad.. she was nice, she helped Jack and still Jack hurt her son.”
This one from H: “When Ravan died was Vibhishan sad?”
And another one from him: “Bad logon ko mar dena chahiye mama?”

The best bet…
… I found were our good old Panchatantra stories. Then there are the Pooh and Dora series which were just perfect.

The doctor says…
The counselor advised me to make up animal stories for the kids. So there are stories about…

A rabbit who used to push other animal kids (for H when he’s naughty in the playground)
A calf who laughed at someone who fell down (for both of them)
A lion cub who learnt to make new friends (for when we moved to Pune)
A teddy bear who is naughty at the doctor’s (to while away time at the clinic)
A pup who wouldn’t come home from play in time (to get them home after playtime)
A Jack story about a boy who is naughty at a birthday party (for when I have to send the kids alone to parties)

However what I’m most proud of is my Cocktail Story.. that’s for the time when Hrit and Naisha both want a story of their choice and there’s time for just one so I give them a cocktail and wonder of wonders — They love it.