Jhansi Ki Rani – N


I so wish I were a tad taller. I’m sick of not being able to reach stuff and mama always puts the most interesting things high above our reach. Not fair at all!

Today was the limit. She left our milk bottles on the table right in front of me. There they sat on the table tantalizing, almost beckoning me. Now I’m not a milk freak like bhai but I do think milk bottles make the coolest playthings. So I tried to clamber up but the table was just too high.

And then I got a brainwave. I got onto the chair, which mind you was not easy, but from there climbing onto the table was a cakewalk. When mama came out and saw me sitting there tipping the bottles around she was quite aghast. You should have seen the look on her face! The problem with her is that she still thinks I’m a baby and that I need to be looked after 24X7. The fact is I’m a big girl now and can well look out for myself. But I think mama was quite pleased about the whole affair because I overheard her telling masi on the phone that I was ‘very gutsy’ which seemed like a nice thing to be.

Not for nothing does mama call me ‘Jhansi ki Rani’.

I’ve learnt to take falls and tumbles quite in my stride and wear bumps on my head and forehead with great pride. Yesterday Sophia didi knocked me down when she opened the door (I was right behind it). Today I went down with the chair when I leaned down too hard on the backrest. Once I landed from the sofa on the floor upside down, doing a handstand. It’s no big deal really.

Now bhai is a different story altogether. He always lands flat on his back with his head bang on the floor and then bawls for ages. No matter how often I remind him ‘keep your head up, keep your head up’ he ALWAYS forgets it right at the crucial moment. Guess he’ll figure it out in his own time.

Brush with fame – H

 Never in all of my one-year existence had I thought that the hair on one’s head could be so crucial. Mama always says it’s what inside your head that counts. Not so, say I. Just as I was on the brink of my great break through in the world of showbiz my career was blighted simply because I didn’t have enough hair on my head!

It was our neighbour here, who noticed my dapper good looks first. Now she has been an airhostess and has dabbled in modeling too so she would know what she’s talking about. She put mama in touch with a photographer who was looking for kids for a calendar. She was sure the shutterbug would love my chubby cheeks and chinky eyes. And he really did. 

All was set and I thought I had found my calling already. But alas! I couldn’t make the grade because I’d lost my curly dark hair thanks to that silly mundan! I think mama wasn’t keen on this whole thing to begin with. I mean.. hasn’t she heard of something called a wig??? Too bad she didn’t let me give it a shot.

N didn’t stand a chance because she is too thin. Isn’t it strange that kid models need to be chubby but when they grow up they have to get stick thin? Show business really is funny business. Anyway, even Madhuri Dixit was rejected for being too thin initially so who knows N might have big things in store for her. As for me.. well… hair grows back but meanwhile, I’m still in mourning for my lost place in tinsel town.

Maid in heaven

Mama says finding the perfect maid is tougher than finding the perfect mate. And she would certainly know what she’s talking about as she’s had a battery of maushis and didis for us since we were born.

First we had a Maharashtrian maushi at Pune who’d been (you’d never believe it) a construction worker. She was a sturdy fifty something lady. We were pretty tiny then but we’d tire her out completely as she’d be changing nappies constantly. She was quite alright, except that her afternoon siesta was sacrosanct. No matter what happened come 1 pm and you’d find her dozing off, tucked away behind the sofa or out on the balcony.

Then there was Surekha the Surly. When we first met her we thought she never smiled but she turned out to be fun. She used to come to massage and bathe us. Her wrestling matches with N during the massage were quite legendary. Despite the tiny mite that N was at a few weeks, she’d kick and push and make her sweat it out. Surekha was quite in awe of her prowess and used to say that when she grew up she’d be the kind who’d bash up the guys and come home.. What say N?? How did U like that?

I don’t even want to begin to think about Surekha. God… bhai do U remember how she would give us a bath? I positively HATED it when she doused us with those incessant mugs of water. I certainly made sure she knew how much I disliked it. How she made me howl! Now of course I love bathing… but that’s a story for another day.

Bhai U remember Ram Dulari?

RD as she was called by all of us, was, I think, the most hilarious of them all. She was this fair, plump, youngish woman straight out of the village. She’d roll in at 10 in the morning and by 10.30 her rug would be spread out and she would be in the midst of deep slumber… snores and all. Mama would go berserk yelling out to her. But what would really drive mama up the wall was RD’s assumption that each time we cried it meant we were hungry. So one wail and she’d come up in her typical sing song accent and her native dialect ‘bhukhane hain, aghane nahin’ (they are hungry, they aren’t sated yet)… and that would be like a red flag to a bull for mama no matter how much masi tried to cool her. By 5 each evening she’d lumber out yawning and scratching herself. Oh yes she’d scratch herself all the time. She’d say it was mosquito bites. She also blamed the poor mosquitoes for her endless snoozing. She said they’d keep her up all night.What irked nani most about her was when she nuzzled either one of us. I can’t forget her incessant telling offs to RD. As for masi, each time RD made an entry she’d only hum that silly song ‘O meri ram dulari tere nain katari’.

Her life seemed to be pretty eventful and something was always happening with her. She had a husband who was a rickshaw puller and who drank and gambled. One day she appeared with this huge black eye courtesy a fight at home. She was always asking nani for something – it might be something small like guvavas or lemons from the trees in our garden to something as big as a place to live in the compound.

Then one day she appeared saying her son in the village had fractured a hand and left. We can’t say we were sorry to see her go. Later, while on our next visit to Lucknow, we spotted her sometimes. She had the same smile on her face lumbering around in her elephant gait. 

When she left mama was paranoid about how she’d manage but like Bua nani says, whatever happens, happens for the best and so in came Sunita didi. Bhai you were her favourite, isn’t it? 

H: Um well… since you were so tough to handle I was automatically the favourite. But you’ve got to admit she was really efficient. Where RD’s clothes were all over the place, you’d always find Sunita didi impeccably dressed. She was really polite and so very responsible. While RD had to be reminded a thousand times to check for wet nappies Sunita didi was constantly there nappy in hand ready for a change. Mama tried to persuade her to come to Bombay with us but her mother didn’t let her.

All in the Genes – H

Last Sunday I got fever.. pretty high.. 102…. which was a sort of record for me. Obviously mama went into a state of total panic specially because it was a Sunday and most docs were not available. Anyway the indomitable woman that she is, she tracked down our regular doctor, packed me up in a warm jacket (because it was raining like crazy), flew into an auto and rushed to him.

We had to wait for quite some time and I felt more uncomfortable by the minute… it was like my body was on fire. As I grew warmer mama paced up and down waiting for our turn. When finally we got to the doc… one look at me and he told mama to strip off my jacket. My Tee went next and then my pajamas… there I was standing in just my vest and diapers. That was embarrassing for a big boy like me but the cool air felt so good that I forgot to be self-conscious. Then the doc stood me right in front of the fan…. this was better and better.

And then followed a long lecture to mama on how kids should NEVER be covered up when they have fever. And you know what? Nani had done the very same thing when mama was a baby. What’s even funnier she’d told the whole story to mama. who’d then thought that nani had been really silly… everyone knows when kids have fever they shouldn’t be all wrapped up, … and there she was making the very same mistake all over again.
It’s all in the genes. Wot say?

PS: Later on, mama said she was glad she’d made me wear a decent vest that day.

Yadu, Vihaan or what????


That’s our brand new brother – the one we were talking about earlier. Isn’t he cute? When N and I went to meet him we just couldn’t keep our eyes off him. He has misty grey eyes, deep red lips and an awesome shock of thick black hair. He really is the cutest thing we’ve ever seen. He’s got these amazing dimples and smiles and giggles all the time. We just love him. He’s called Yadu but that’s not his final name. Can you beat it, he’s six months old and mama and mami still haven’t managed to decide on a name for him. Bade nana insists on calling him Yadu and so that name’s stuck till he finally gets properly christened.