Diwali is where the home is

Yessss! I won. The kids did it for me this time. Here’s what the judge Bhawna of An Indian Summer had to say about my post.

Tulika: I relived my train journeys to Lucknow as a child through your post. Not that I travelled without a reservation ;-) , but the experience of taking a night train and then taking the rickety auto rickshaws (what are they called again?) once out of the railway station – all came back to me. The fact that you made it for Diwali as a surprise – I am sure, it must be your family’s favorite dinner table story :) . But the winning stroke of your post was the gorgeous handiwork of your four year old twins! Thanks for sharing the early works of the two very talented artists currently residing in your home! :)

Pic Courtesy: Google Images

There’s something about Diwali that makes me want to go home. And each year I did, for many many years. All was well till I was in Delhi.. home was a night’s journey away and life was cool. Then I moved to Bombay. I thought I was all grown up and could handle being away from home. A few weeks to Diwali and the longing started. I can handle it, I reiterated, I’m a big girl. Diwali got closer. Activity in office hotted up, more so because I was in the business of stocks. Brokers poured in with gifts and sweets. Everyone, yes everyone seemed to be headed home. They waved their reservation tickets proudly. Everyone else seemed to be perpetually on the phone checking their reservation status. I didn’t even have a ticket. The longing kicked in real bad.

A week before, I became desperate. Of course by then reservations were full and there was no chance I was ever getting home other than by travelling on the train roof, something I wasn’t really keen on doing. Then, like a messenger from God, I got a call from an ex classmate who was also going to Lucknow and had tickets to spare. I shamelessly piled on along with another friend, double pile on. Then I discovered all his tickets were waitlisted. “They will get confirmed”, he assured us, “my uncle’s in the Railways”. The three of us reached the station only to find the uncle had failed us – just one ticket had been confirmed.
Interestingly, the moment other passengers realise you do not have a valid ticket you become an outsider and they tacitly gang up against you, and so they did. Oh I’ll never forget those scornful stares that seemed to say, “Aajkal ke ladke ladkiyan….” followed by thoughts of unmentionable things they were capable of. They checked the locks and chains on their luggage as if we would make off with it all. We sat through it, closing our eyes and ears to everything, chatting about our respective jobs and reminiscing college days.
Then the TT came along and we seemed to be in imminent danger of being thrown out. We talked and pleaded, argued and haggled to be allowed to just sit in the compartment. We did have one seat, didn’t we? The ‘uncle’ came to our rescue. Name dropping does wonders in India and we had our permissions. The TT retired grudgingly saving the worst stare for me.
That 26 hour journey squeezed together on a single seat with two boys is unforgettable.
I was given the privileged window seat by my chivalarous friends. By 10 the co-passengers switched off the lights and by 10.30 I was nodding off too. By 11 I was longing to stretch my legs and by 11.30 I was wondering why I came at all. I rested by head at the window and stretched out my legs sprawling on my one third seat. My head rolled with the train’s pace and its steady rhythm seemed to say.. sleep sleep sleep.. except there was to be no sleep.
The night was interminable. We got off at every platform through the night, welcoming the sounds of “chai chai”. Drinking endless cups of tea gave us something to do. Somewhere during the early hours we all fell asleep in one tired heap. We woke up on Diwali day with the muted morning sun upon us through the dark glass windows. The co-passengers seemed in a much better humour. Perhaps the morning cup of tea had warmed them, or maybe it was just the relief that we weren’t the goondas they’d thought us or was it simply the miracle of Diwali… they struck up human conversations with us. By 9.30 the train ambled onto the platform. We said our goodbyes and hopped onto rickshaws. That was another first.. a pampered me had always had my dad receive me at the station.. but this was different.. it was meant to be a surprise.
Anyone who’s sat on a cycle rickshaw knows of its dawdling nawabi pace. By the time I reached home I was almost hopping on the seat from frustration and excitement. That homecoming will always be very very special.
I don’t think I have it in me to do it again, ever. But that year I did get home…. and it was well worth it. The look on my mom’s face when she saw me made it MORE than worth it.
Afterword:
I kept up the trend for many years even after I was married. Diwali saw me making my way from Delhi, Mumbai, Bhopal, Pune.. wherever I was, all the way home and it was always worth it.. always. Things changed only after I had my twins. I leave you with some pictures of their handiwork this Diwali.
Hard at work
The finished products

A diya streamer

Some of their Diwali cards
If this seems a tad drab remember it was done entirely by the kids (other than lighting the candles) for I was down with fever on Diwali day this year and couldn’t leave the bed

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It’s diwali and I have a cold

Diwali’s a day away and I’m nursing the worst cold of my life. My nose drips, my head is heavy, my temples throb, I’ve sneezed about a thousand times and I’m grumpy as a bear.
Called up a friend in desperate need for a sympathetic ear and she brushes me off with a, “Can’t talk now… am getting my house done… the workers are all over the place.” Called over my sis-in-law, “Sorry, says she apologetically.. we’re getting our doors polished… no time.” Logged onto Facebook and a friend’s status message reads, “Carpenters everywhere.. jazzing up the house for Diwali.”
Humph!
I get on with breakfast and lunch.. sneezing all the way. I try chasing away the cold with a bout of steam and endless cups of bitter ginger tea. The day is half gone. By now I have also swallowed a Crocin, a Wikoryl and an Avil and am a tad wonky from the last one. Yet the cold refuses to go. I really need to do something. Desperate, I call up my doctor sis-in-law. “Where are you?” I ask. “Shopping for Dhanteras. What happened to your voice?” “What antibiotic can I take for a cold?” I demand brushing aside the niceties. “Do you have fever, bad throat? No? Then no antibiotics. Just wait it out.”
Damn! Say I, wishing for a more colourful vocabulary that would have allowed me to express myself better.
Might as well get on with the Diwali preparations, I decide. I climb up precariously on a chair and start hanging out kandils.
Interesting how unlike real women Diwali never turns the telly women into dust hating freaks, just shopping freaks. Dressed up in bridal finery they rush around armed with fancy shopping bags.
Even if they do try their hand at cleaning all the dust they find must be somewhere really high up. As they balance on their delicate toes they must come crashing down right into the arms of a waiting stranger who is necessarily handsome and adept at the deep-in-the-eye look.
I let out a deep sigh… and that dislodges a rather large blob of dust that sets off a sneezing spree and I come crashing down. Even as I try to steady myself, laughter bubbles out. So much for handsome strangers! Not even the faithful husband is around, who by the way has been dispatched to get some sandes and samosas following the adage ‘feed a cold starve a fever’.
The laugh feels good.. it saves me from turning into a Scrooge.
The door bell rings. The husband and kids walk in… I look at them ruefully. I’ve spent the day groaning and sneezing, yelling at everyone. What a waste. I bring out the special Diwali hugs.
Later I happily watch my diet blown to smithereens as I dig into the gorgeous samosas and crisp chillies. “I didn’t even go to the gym today,” says the small voice of the conscience. I stifle it with a huge bit of the delicious Sandes. It’s Diwali.. and I have a cold.

 

Time enough, later.

PS: Whether it was the laugh, the hugs or the samosas… I do feel better already.

Dandiya 2010

Dandiya night in the society and Hrit Naisha were bubbling with enthusiasm. Time again for chaniya cholis, dandiyas, dressing up and dancing.. recipe for a great night.
For once I was relaxed and just as excited. To begin with their clothes were taken care of. A good friend sent awesome dresses straight from Gujju land. Thanks Apoorva. That rid me of the bother of putting together their wardrobe. What’s better he also got them super cute accessories and dandiyas. I was let off scott free. Yayyy!
He actually wanted to take the gada down… managed to dissuade him.

How she loves dressing up

With the spoils of the evening
Reason number 2 for rejoicing.. I’d learnt a few dance moves.. few meaning about two.. but that was enough. All the past years I was getting by without any, this was a windfall. We were set. Then someone asked “What are you wearing?” Eeeeeks?  Hadn’t thought about that at all. But no worries….just rustled up some junk jewellery and I was done.
Well we all dressed up for D day. Unlike Bombay where we got to groove all nine days here in Pune we just had one day and we were ready to make the most of it.
The programme was scheduled to start at 7pm with an hour of Tambola, then dancing. Tambola on a dandiya night??? Incongruous to say the least, from a Mumbaikar’s point of view. But since I’m not really one.. anything goes.
By the way tambola was never my favourite sport. Now with kids specially, I don’t see myself concentrating on middle line and full house with two restless kids laced with weapons (read dandiyas) creating havoc all around. So we decided to go down by 8.
When we did go down we were met with pin drop silence. About a hundred people sat sedately pens/pencils poised crossing out numbers as a ‘DJ’ did the announcing. Quite undandiya like, I thought.
I was at a loss how to rein in the kids. Hrit was cartwheeling with sheer energy and excitement while Naisha was flitting around holding up her lehenga in the most ladylike fashion.
They charged right into the tambola scene along with a friend creating such a ruckus that they made the veterans miss a number or two. Of course they were shooed away and had to play in the lobby while we waited. When the music finally started they were the first ones on the dance floor.
Now no event can be complete without at least one of the twins doing something outrageous. The prize for the best dressed boy went to their best friend. Hrit still doesn’t understand the concept of one person getting a prize and the others being left out. He asked me ‘Where’s my gift?’ I shushed him quickly. When he realized I was not going to help he decided to take matters in his own hands. He marched up to the podium, saw a gift kept there and walked away with it! Of course I made him take it back. Twice. Then the organizers gave up. “Let him have it.. anyway this was also for the best dressed boy,” they said. And I wished the earth would swallow me up. Hrit of course was thrilled.
After about an hour the garba music gave way to good old Bollywood. Punjab completely took over Gujarat. The kids sure had a ball.
Then at dinner time Hrit spilled gulab jamun syrup on him and I caught him just in time trying to pour a glassful of water inside his dhoti to ‘clean up the mess.’
That was it. It’s bye bye garba night till next year. Hope we’re back in Mumbai then.

Grouchy brothers and pretty sisters

Festivals, for N, are purely an occasion to dress up. Those who know her would of course know — that would mean wearing a chaniya choli. When Rakshabandhan came up her first question was, “May I wear a Chaniya Choli.” Before I could nod or shake my head she lifted her forefinger at me (both kids have picked this rather unpleasant habit of pointing their forefinger from me.. sigh) and said, “You said I could wear it for festivals and pujas.”
A nod it had to be, then.
I had seen this coming (smart mum) and I had her ensemble ready, or rather, their outfits ready for if N wears a Chaniya Choli, H must follow in his Kurta Pajama.
Quite in keeping with his stereotypical male genes H is hardly bothered about what he wears … of course as long as it is in tune with what N wears. Then there was the issue of the gifts and much much against my better sense I went out to scout….

I must take a flashback break please…
When we were growing up the excitement of a festival was about being together.. papa coming home early, accompanying him to the market with lists of shopping, decorating the house, making cards, helping our grandmoms and mum with the cooking.. and yes yummy food and sometimes, new clothes.
I do make an effort to involve the kids in the decoration, the shopping and the cooking but the special food and new clothes are a given. What I’ve failed completely at, is the issue of gifts. Gifts have become the central theme, whether it’s a birthday, diwali or yes Rakshabandhan. Gifts take centre stage sidelining everything else .. the emotion.. the togetherness… the prayers and puja.. the excitement of doing something special together.

And I have no one to blame, except me.
My promise to myself for next year…
I WILL stress on making them do something special for each other on Rakshbandhan..
Maybe a ‘no fight’ pact (difficult of course.. but no harm trying)
Cards for each other
And maybe just token gifts
Suggestions invited for more ideas

This year I got them both gifts. Then with the major issues out of the way I went about the rest of the mundane stuff like buying rakhis and preparing for the ceremony! Finally it was all done and I peacefully looked forward to the big day.
Rakshabandhan arrived and brought with it a wonderfully excited N and predictably enough (Remember the rule: I have to have one child happy and one crabby) a superbly grumpy H.
Well I got them dressed.. they looked sweet.. I have to hand it to N – she does look delightfully cute in traditional clothes. When she was all done H thought she looked quite pretty and promptly asked me if he could please marry her. I recovered my composure in a matter of minutes (experience!) and explained that he couldn’t and that he’d have to find someone else for himself. He seemed a tad miffed but agreed.

Their cousin came over and as the time of the puja approached H got more and more grouchy.

Sometimes I wish I had the power to look inside their heads and hearts so I could understand why Why WHY they get crabby.

In the absence of any such powers all I could do was try my best to pacify him while holding onto tightly to my short fuse. He refused to get his picture clicked.. then refused to get the tika put.. then he said he didn’t want any rice on his tika.. when the sisters tried to give him mithai he covered his mouth with both his hands. When N started tying his rakhi he totally rebelled, “I won’t tie two rakhis,” he bawled.. that, when it his favourite Ben10 rakhi.
Then it was time for exchanging gifts and H chose that time to launch into a full fledged tantrum. He snatched at the gifts saying.. I want this one…. I want the big one… mine is not nice and on and on. He completely lost it.
And so did I
I know. I shouldn’t have. But I did.
And so Rakshabandhan ended up a not-so-nice affair. If only I had had more patience!

Holi hai!

Holi is Hrit Naisha’s all time favourite festival. Where else will you have permission to play with water, dirty water at that, to your heart’s content? Hrit was as usual down and on two-hourly nebulisation so I was a little reluctant to let them play but there’s no way he would miss holi. I’d been holding them off for pre-holi playing and that was bad enough. (I did allow them to play in the bathroom). Anyway on Holi day I made a special ‘vest’ for Hrit out of a plastic bag and made him wear it on his regular vest and over that came his kurta. yes he wore a kurta dhoti because obviously Naisha would wear her chaniya choli.. It was a fastabal (festival) after all. So they went down all set with their pichkaris. When I went down a little later.. there they were colour splattered, drenched to the skin making gulal bhel. Don’t know what that means? Well there were many gulal heaps kept for everyone and Hrit Naisha were busy mixing them together. Thankfully it was Holi and no one was really bothered about what colour the gulal really was.

After about an hour of water play I dragged them home. And surprise surprise Hrit’s vest was almost completely dry. Three cheers for a good idea.