Tulika, Author at Obsessivemom

12/10/201328/09/2017

Of Navaratri and Kanjak puja

NOTE: Long post alert.N’s been out since 8.30 in the morning and I’ve no clue where she is. I’ve made two trips down scouring the society (and it’s not even such a large one) with no luck. I’ve now sent down H to look for her. Gawd I’m so angry!!

But let me begin at the beginning…
Today is Ashtami – the eighth day of Navaratri. A lot of North Indians celebrate Kanjak Puja today and tomorrow. The standard thing is to invite seven girls, feed them and give them a small gift. The menu is simple enough – a standard – Suji Halwa, Puri and black chanas. It has remained unchanged over years, for that I’m grateful. The gift – which used to be a fruit or a rupee has changed, however.. into Rs 101, a chocolate, a box of sketch pens or a tiffin box. I’m afraid it’s going the return gift way. Anyway that’s another rant.

The thing is there aren’t enough girls in the society to go around. So the same girls end up going to many homes. While some people take the trouble to call and invite, the others simply watch out for the girls and ‘kidnap’ the entire group. I understand it’s not easy for the girls to say no – one, because they’re their friends’ mums who they see almost every day and two, (and I’m not being mean spirited.. just truthful) there’s the lure of the gift. They might have a hundred sets of sketch pens lying at home but they will still go that house for another one.

What’s worse, some women fast till the girls have eaten. So while these girls are traipsing around.. the ones who’ve set a schedule and invited them are waiting.. hungry .. sometimes till afternoon. How unfair is that!

Then there’s the food wastage…
They cannot possibly eat at each house – with each of the hosts trying to fill the girls up to capacity. As a result they simply carry the food home. I’m a bit confused what is to be done with it. Is she supposed to eat it through the day? Can it be given away? Can anyone eat it? Since it’s food made for puja I can imagine how much trouble would have gone into it. I well know how tough it would be to make time to get it all ready in the morning. So what do I do with the food? As of now I have some 20 puris and a big box full of chana and halwa.

Wouldn’t it be better to give it away to someone who really needs it? How about taking a round in the car and handing it out to roadside beggars? Apparently the ones at the temples are so full they just want money not food. How much can even they eat in a day? Of course that’s just a thought. It’s to do with people’s faith and coming from someone who’s barely ritualistic it makes little sense. However something better can surely done with all that food.

Keep me informed..
The second thing that bothered me .. was N going to someones home without informing me. It bothers me if I do not know where the kids are, even if they’re at a friend’s house. It’s a habit that, I hope, will stand H and N in good stead when they grow up – ‘Inform me (or The Husband) where you are at all times’. Is that too autocratic? I don’t know.. but it’s a rule more lenient than my mom’s – ‘Ask me before you go anywhere.’

Saying No
N needs to learn to say ‘NO’ (don’t we all?). It’s easy to get carried away when in a group. And that perhaps is the time when one needs to say ‘No’. It’s easy to think ‘her mom doesn’t mind and she’s my mom’s friend so my mom won’t mind either’. Not true at all.

I do not want to take away the pleasure from the festival. I have sweet memories of it and I want N to have them too but not at the cost of larger issues.

Linking up with Deepa and Amrita for #MondayMommyMoments.

10/10/201315/04/2017

Sepia tones of Lucknow

That’s Lucknow’s magnificent Rumi Darwaza

Old this certainly is .. dating back to 1784. This 60ft tall Rumi Darwaza was built by Nawab Asaf-Ud-Daulah as an entrance to the city. It was modelled on Istanbul’s Sublime Porte.

In fact most of Lucknow’s monuments were made under the reign of this nawab. From what little I’ve read of him he had little more to his credit than the beautification of Lucknow and his generosity that bordered on the eccentric.

The monuments sure are beautiful and when you’re as rich and spoilt as the nawabs are believed to be, some eccentricity is in order.

Linking to Thursday Challenge : “MONOCHROME” (Black and White, Sepia, Old Looking,…)

09/10/201321/08/2017

The tooth story

When the first tooth fell, in our house, it was a tough call to decide who was more excited – the kids or Mushy Mum (MM). The tooth fairy was excited too, it would seem, and overdid the gifting thing a bit, or so Sane Mum (SM) thought.In order to put things in perspective and undo the damage, SM took great pains to explain to the kids that it was only the falling of the first tooth that was an important landmark and that for subsequent teeth the excitement (read gift) would be significantly lower.

But who’s to stop the kids’ from hoping?

Each time a tooth fell it was washed and cleaned with immense care and placed under the pillow. However under SM’s hawk eye the tooth fairy wasn’t allowed to go overboard. Were the kids disappointed? Nope. They were thrilled that the tooth fairy kept making an appearance. Soon cards were accompanying each tooth under the pillow.

Then N got two of her teeth extracted at one go (because the new ones had already come and the milk teeth refused to fall). That was some ordeal. SM gritted her teeth through it all. MM cried buckets along with N and swore she saw a tear glint in SM’s eye too. Desperate to make the tears stop MM once again handed out the tooth fairy sop telling N to expect a BIG gift because she’d been so brave. A disapproving SM could only look on. N drafted a card for the tooth fairy…

Then recently H lost another one. He lovingly placed it under his pillow along with a letter.

Early next morning he lifted the pillow … to find the tooth still there.

The tooth fairy forgot!

Apparently, even MM forgot to nudge her into action. After a long and complicated story of busy fairies the tooth was placed under the pillow yet again the next night. Kids don’t give up easily you see. And would you believe it, the tooth fairy forgot… again!!

Now this was unforgivable. Even SM felt a twinge at Hrit’s disappointed face. “Why isn’t she coming?” he asked. “I didn’t want anything from her this time”. When the ever sceptical SM opened his letter here’s what it said….

Just a bit of background.. this year we celebrated the twins’ birthday with both sets of grandparents and a plethora of uncles, aunts and cousins. SM knew everyone would be asking them “what do you want for your birthday”. To ensure they don’t get swept away by this deluge of indulgent relatives she, partly seriously and partly for fun taught them to say “I don’t want anything, I just want your blessing.” It ended up as a family joke with the grandparents making them say it over and over again and rolling with laughter when they obliged, folded hands et al.

Never knew it would surface months later in a letter to the tooth fairy.

08/10/201315/04/2017