Tulika, Author at Obsessivemom

18/03/201415/04/2017

J is for being Judgmental

The other
day I was down in the garden. A bunch of kids were playing close by while some
mums and some maids stood by chatting. A fight broke out – we have one almost
every minute. One of the kids boxed the other one, only to be punched in return.
A mum and a maid rushed to separate their charges. The mother turned upon the
maid in righteous anger and gave her an earful. “Why can’t you keep an eye on him?
Do you come down to chat?” She said before retreating with her son. “This is
what happens when kids are left to the maids,” she added before admonishing her
son to ‘never play with that boy again.’

As if that
were even a possibility! Five minutes later, the kids are back again.

How quick
are we to pass judgements, and how wrong. Among many things motherhood taught
me – this was one valuable lesson..

People cannot be bracketed.

One of my favourite quotes from one of my favourite books.. ‘To kill a mockingbird’

She’s a SAHM
– she’s a good mum.

She’s a working
mum – she doesn’t have time for her kids… wrong again!

She wears a
sari/ abaya – she’s conservative.

She’s pushing her daughter to have fries – she’s a bad mum.

She’s fat –
she’s lazy (that one’s for me).

Oh it can
make you feel good about yourself for a while. But when you judge others you also
end up judging yourself. And sooner than later you will fall short. You cannot
possibly think you are the only perfect person on earth! If you do think you
are, well then you’ve reached nirvana and can stop right here. But if you do not, you will fall short of someone and will end up feeling not so
good about yourself. The first step to accepting yourself is to accept others
as they are.

This becomes
even more relevant in a country as diverse as India. People from different
regions, states and ethnicities, speaking different languages, dressing differently,
looking so very different… it’s as crazy as it can get.

While I was working in
Mumbai there was just one other girl from my hometown in North India and it was
assumed that we’d be best friends. However my best friend came from the other
end of the country – from down South. We bonded over books. We ended up being roommates and are still
friends some 20 years later.

Being
judgemental can make you miss out on some really good friends.

Over the
years I learnt to reserve my judgement. Oh I’m not perfect just yet but I hope to get there.

Linking to ABC Wednesday the grand initiative now in it’s 14th round.

17/03/201415/04/2017

Happiness roundup – Week 10

Time for the week’s happiness roundup… Where does the week go? But then that’s a good sign isn’t it? Time moves fast when you’re happy, right?

Here’s what made me smile this week…

1. That bye bye kiss to the kids

Believe me, I’m not thinking “Peace at last!” when they board the bus each morning.. Oh well maybe on just some days. Most days I count it a huge perk of being a SAHM… to have the leisure to wave to the kids. I’ve been doing it for about four years now and I still love it every single day. N shouts out these messages “Have a good day mama”, “Take care”, “Be happy”..punctuated by a dozen flying kisses. It’s a totally ‘aww’ moment. H likes to stick out his tongue at me or make a rude face.. Yeah apparently that’s how he shows affection. It’s ever more adorable and endearing to watch the dads blow back kisses to the kids. Oh I love mornings.

2. A super movie.

Caught Queen this week and loved it. Watching that awkward behenji protagonist from Delhi find her feet and take wing was amazing. A must watch if you haven’t done it already.

3. A bit of crafting.

Although I was merely guiding, not doing it.. yet it always gives me pleasure to see something pretty take shape. First we did this simple bookmark for N’s “most strict teacher” (because of who she spent a quarter of the year crying each morning before school) who has now turned into favourite.

Then my niece came to stay and made this amazing bag. I’d been waiting for ages to do this with N, but she just doesn’t have the patience. My niece however did a super job. Doesn’t it look pretty?

4. Gujhiyas…

I thought I was being proactive when I bought a pack of gujhiyas ‘for the guests’ some two days before the festival. But we finished it even before Holi came around and then were rushing around as usual at the last minute.

5. A quiet evening watching the kids play basketball.

Sitting in the balcony and watching kids play from a distance is just so relaxing. The sounds are muted yet the thump of the ball and the camaraderie in their shouts make me happy. I can watch them for ages.

6. Watching Chak De on the telly.

This Saturday the kids and I watched it and enjoyed it for varied reasons. My primary one was SRK. Isn’t he gorgeous?

The kids, however, were so caught up in the film that by the end N was jumping on the sofa cheering India on while H, my lazy lazy son, prayed as they took on the Aussies.

7. And finally it has to be that mad mad festival.. Holi.

Your turn now. What made you happy this week?

11/03/201422/12/2017

I is for Innocence

The other night as my 8-year old was on the verge of drifting off she said, “Mama, if I ask you something will you tell me the truth?” Now this is one question I dread as much from my daughter as I’d dreaded it from my mum in my teenage.

So anyway.. “Yes,” said I.
“Is Santa for real or do papas and mamas give us gifts every Christmas?”

Whew.. What could I do? I’d promised to tell the truth so truth it had to be…the whole truth and nothing but the truth.The deluge of tears that followed was heart wrenching.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she sobbed after I’d very deliberately, very surely killed Santa. “I argued with all my friends. They told me there was no Santa and I didn’t believe them. I believed only you.”

Heartbreaking! O I felt so guilty.

“Who will we decorate the tree for? Who will we keep the cookies for?” she went on.. And then the thought struck her “Did YOU eat up all the cookies we kept for Santa? And the letters we wrote to him.. all lies.”

And more questions..
“Are there no reindeers either mama?”
“No,” said I, shamefaced.
“No Rudolph?”
“No”.

“If I hadn’t asked you, you’d have never told me and then when I had babies I wouldn’t have bought them gifts thinking Santa would get them and then on Christmas day they wouldn’t have had any gifts at all. How sad they would have been.” Some thought!

Finally after a long sad time we managed to console her.. not convince mind you, just console her.. that there had been a Santa long time back and then parents had just taken over after he passed away. Next morning having slept over the issue and apparently having given the matter plenty of thought she said, “Mama when I die (death and dying are pretty much dinner table conversations here) and I am born again and if you’re my mama again please don’t ever tell me that there’s no Santa. It feels really sad”.

Even as I hugged her I wonder how would I handle it given a second chance.

Coming from her it sounded like I’d woven such an elaborate web of lies, which of course I had. So what should I have done? Killed the Santa story completely? That would be so sad. Or maybe I shouldn’t have built it up and embellish it as much. Definitely NOT make it the core of Christmas celebrations. How deeply I regretted not telling the twins about it earlier… or at least hinting at it.

My son had seemed unconcerned through this entire exchange. However in one of his Hindi worksheets on Christmas when they had to write a line about Santa this is what he wrote.. “Our parents give us gifts but we think Santa has come”.

What do you think, people? Do your kids know there’s no Santa? How old were they when they find out? How did they react?

I’m dreading Christmas this year.

PS: A few days later my daughter wanted another clarification.. ‘Are tooth fairies also not for real?”

Linking to ABC Wednesday a fun challenge for bloggers.

10/03/201415/04/2017

Happiness Update – Week 9

Here’s last week’s happiness update. I’m sure you guys know the drill by now so without much ado here’s what made me happy.

1.The Husband coming back home after almost a week

Such happiness.. I do need my jousting partner around.

2…. laden with boxes of special Lakhnawi mithai..

There was a box ONLY for me with this…

That’s Sohan halwa for the uninitiated. How I love love it but it has so much ghee that you can actually see a white layer when you bite into it. I was sent just two pieces so I don’t overindulge. I swear the parents keep tabs on my weight from across hundreds of kms! Of course I refused to share.

3. A non birthday present from the sister

Aren’t they gorgeous?

4. Becoming redundant bit by bit

This one is relief, pride, happiness all rolled into one. It’s so great to watch the kids grow independent.

4. Chaste Urdu from an autowallah

This sure made my day. As I was handing out change to the autowallah ‘Shukriya’ said he in such perfect diction and so politely that I was transported back home right away. No offence against the local Marathi but no language in the world can parallel the sweetness, grace or the elegance of Urdu.

5. A late night cup of tea with The Husband.

This used to be a ritual before he joined the gym and started crashing with the kids. Now it’s a rare thing to be cherished.

6. A big tight hug

Umm… nothing beats this.

The picture is an old one but the hug was just as warm

07/03/201415/04/2017

Happy birthday

She had always been a good girl – meticulous, cautious. But tonight she wasn’t herself. Tonight she didn’t want to be herself. She would banish years of conditioning… of saying NO, for tonight her heart would rule her head. She steeled herself. Then, ‘Happy birthday’, she said to herself biting into a huge piece of cake.

****************

Linking to Write Tribe Festival of Words.

Today’s genre is ’55 fiction’