I am writing. Again.

I am writing. Again.

The beginning of a year has always filled me with new vigour. It seems magical somehow, full of possibilities. Each year I print out planners, set blogging goals and health goals. I make resolutions, some of which I even manage to stick to.

This year, however, has been different. Because I’ve done nothing! Nothing at all. I tried to plan. To write. I opened my laptop multiple times. I sat staring at it but I just couldn’t. I read articles and blogs in search of inspiration. That’s what got me out of my limbo in the past.

Curiously enough, this time the more I saw year-end posts and resolutions, and Word of the Year posts and Vision Boards, the less I felt like writing. Because, honestly, I have no goals for this year. That sounds terrible – like a lost directionless ship. Moreso when everyone else seems to have everything worked out neatly.

Perhaps that’s why I couldn’t bring myself to write. It isn’t a happy confession to make – that one is directionless. It’s like belittling the whole business of writing/blogging.

Then today I received a gift and a beautiful little note from friends from a blogging community which I am sort of part of – in a very peripheral kind of way. But that small note reminded me of the fact that I am a blogger. Goals or not, professional or not, good or bad, five views or five thousand, I am a blogger, I write. That’s what I’ve done for over a decade, not counting the years I did it for a living. There’s no way I could stop doing it.

And so I resolved to try again.

Each evening when I drop the kids for their classes I workout at a gym. Today I decided to dump it. I ditched my tights and tee. I picked out a gorgeous new top and my favourite pair of jeans. I put on some gloss for good measure. Then I did away with my gym rucksack, got out my bright red handbag instead and slid in my laptop.

Today, I was going to write.

The children looked on, a trifle puzzled. H, who can never hold in a question asked, ‘Where are you going  ma?’ ‘To write,’ I replied cryptically.

As they walked off to their class I headed for the smoky cafe I go to sometimes. It’s been an hour since I sat  here with a terrible cup of bitter green tea for company and I’ve got down a thousand words! Not all thousand are going to make it to the publish button, maybe none of them will, but the good thing is I am writing. Again.

The blogging world is vast. It is easy to feel lost and inconsequential, like you and your writing don’t matter (and maybe they don’t, really). However, one must keep writing with the hope that someday, some small piece of writing may make a difference to someone somewhere, that it might touch someone in a special way, bring a smile maybe, or a nod of relief and understanding. And for that, one must keep writing.

So here I am with my directionless rambling. Perhaps this will mean something to someone else feeling just as directionless. Perhaps it will make them continue on their path, like me, in the hope of better things. Perhaps, tomorrow I’ll find my goal and write something meaningful. But for now, this is all I have, this will have to do.

23 Replies to “I am writing. Again.”

  1. I am usually a very goal oriented person. So much so that there are times I overdo the whole goals / tasks and lists business. But this year I have taken a step back, with no elaborate goals. Only identifying 2 focus areas for the upcoming year – my food blog and my health. That’s it.

    No balancing all areas of my life. No breaking down goals in those areas. Definitely no WOTY. Just a general direction that I plan to work towards.
    Shantala recently put up this amazing post…The Lunar Chronicles Books Reading Order (Spoiler Free)My Profile

  2. On 3rd January, I was feeling the same as you were – lost and directionless. You got out of it that day while my phase continued until the 10th.
    Your post made me smile, yes your this very post made me smile so you do not have to wait for another day hoping that your writing might make someone smile. It happens to me too that my writing feels inconsequential and I question how should it matter to anybody what I write. Then comes a sign which may be a ping from a friend who blogs asking for my whereabouts, giving me a prep talk and it begins again from here. I am glad this sign for you that day was that card from Blogchatter. Please know your words and your stories do make a difference. This bespectacled mom follows the obsessive mom for her sanity in all the madness of life including raising the kids 🙂
    Anamika Agnihotri recently put up this amazing post…The Questions – Some easy, some tough #MondayMusingsMy Profile

    1. Aw thanks so very much Anamika. It is gratifying to hear that you read me and that the post touch a chord with you. To me that’s what makes blogging worthwhile. I have never been a numbers person, it’s the personal relationships I’ve built up that matter the most. So I’m glad you’re here. And grateful too.

  3. I loved how honest this post was and in a way ‘you’. You know Tulika, what i love about your writing is your candidness. So 5 or 5000, I am always 1 of them 🙂
    I am glad you published this one and you are right – we prune a lot but after all we write. Don’t we?
    Keep at it!
    P.S. I don’t have a WOTY too 🙂
    Parul Thakur recently put up this amazing post…#ThursdayTreeLove – 79My Profile

    1. Thanks Parul. I seem to be out of the woods for now thanks to that one day of pushing myself. Somedays it all seems pointless and the words just don’t come.

  4. I absolutely loved how you dressed up for writing. It is my dream to go to a quaint cafe, open my laptop and write like I got a bestseller in the making. I am glad you are writing again. Looking forward to read all the stories you got for us 🙂

    1. Thanks so much Raj. I hate to disabuse you but cafes, at least the affordable ones, are rarely quaint. The one I go to serves over-priced, over-boiled tea with loud Punjabi music a dash of passive smoke :-). I’m not complaining though, I’m just glad I have the leisure and a place to sit the day I want to. And miraculously I find i can write here despite it all.

  5. This wasn’t just rambling, Tulika, it was a gorgeous piece of work by you…as always!
    I am glad you started again. I can understand how overwhelming it must feel at times — being a blogger is like being a tiny drop in an ocean. It’s how I felt last year. But, after a break, I got back to writing…and writing a whole lot more than what I used to.

    Keep at it, T. You are a gifted writer. And, your words touch the heart…each time I read your post, I fall in love with you..your writing, I mean, and I wonder when I will write this good! I am sure there are so many out there who will agree with me on this. 🙂
    Here’s to many more posts from you, girl! <3

    1. Thank you Shilpa. You are generous with your compliments. I am very happy for you – I can see how hard you’re working at your blog and I love how you seem certain of the direction it is taking. Part of being a blogger includes the art of being self-motivated. That’s where I often fall short. But with you guys cheering me on, I keep going. Thanks so much.

  6. So happy for you, Tulika. I, for one, love your musings on this blog. All your parenting and personal posts speak to me. While I do a lot of writing, I hardly wrote much in the last year on my parenting blog. My kids keep asking when I am writing next which gives me so much motivation. I started writing again on that blog and I realised how much I missed writing there. Also I have no readership or traffic goals there which is so liberating. And one does not need to have those goals, it’s perfectly fine. Keep writing!
    Rachna recently put up this amazing post…Easy Airfryer Cassava Chips | Yuca Chips (Step-by-step Recipe)My Profile

    1. Yeah, that was my problem too. I was doing pretty fine on my other blog. I read a lot of books, wrote about them, shared them on instagram. But not being able to write here make me unhappy. Oh and I long gave up on traffic goals. I do have a group of blogger friends and I love it when they drop by because what I look for here is more of a dialogue than anything else.

  7. Oh my thats been there for sometime with me too. I have been pushing and pulling at writing all year long and its been kind sweet messages from fellow bloggers that have got me off my ass so many times in the year. I am so grateful to be a part of such a thoughtful community.

    Am glad you took out time to do what you loved the most – dont feel guilty about the gym now!!

    I am one of those who looks forward to your posts a lot – so please keep writing and ummm entertaining me 😉

    Hugs for more writing sprees and a brilliant 2020 ahead Tulika!!
    Shalzmojo recently put up this amazing post…#Bookview-12 Bookish Hits & Misses of 2019 for meMy Profile

    1. Thank you so much Shalini. If there’s one thing I’ve realised it’s that writing, specially writing here at obsessivemom, makes me feel good. It’s like my staple dose of happiness that cannot come from anything else. So I’m glad too that I got back to it. Oh and you are so right when you say community matters. It most certainly does. And I’m going to remember to be more grateful for that.

  8. Here I thought I was the only one facing a writing slump! I am so glad you are writing, I don’t have a cafe nearby but I do shut myself in my room and try to write.
    I even tried to do the #vss365 daily prompt on twitter but left it halfway. I plan to pick it again.
    I was bogged down by expectations and what -if’s so stopped writing. Now I am back to doing it, for myself!
    A very fantastic 2020 to you!
    Inderpreet Uppal recently put up this amazing post…NEW YEAR 2020My Profile

    1. Thank you Inderpreet. Writing for yourself is the best thing in the world. And good luck with the #vss365. I’ve seen some fab pieces there. Wishing you a happy New Year too.

  9. This is exactlyhow I felt. After having faced a terrible loss in the family last m onth, I felt nothing made sense anymore. But when I got back and saw my beautiful planner and some quotes that I had jotted down, I knew I had to get back to blogging. That’s how the reading challenge and all the blog posts are coming out. My way of coping up. I wish you a very happy blogging year ahead, Tulika <3

    Shalini recently put up this amazing post…Book Review: The Dog Who DancedMy Profile

    1. I’m so happy for you Shalini. I think we need to be in a peaceful space mentally to be able to write and sometimes the stresses just get to us. Thank you for your wishes. I hope I can keep writing too.

  10. Yay! so good to read you again OM 🙂 I could picture you getting all ready to get writing again.
    I’m glad that you were only a little uninspired and not caught up in some other kind of emergency and that all is otherwise well with you 🙂
    Priya recently put up this amazing post…Sculptures galore #MahabalipuramNotesMy Profile

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