If we were having coffee together – 6

If we were having coffee together – 6

“Reflections

 

I haven’t been feeling too chatty since I got back from the holidays and I thought a cup of coffee might help. Take a seat then as you read this, get your cup of coffee and I’ll get my chai.

If we were having coffee together I’d warn you right away that this was going to be a bit of a rant. I’d tell you how I was taking time to settle in here, in this new home of mine and missing, just a bit, the hustle and bustle of the old one. I’d tell you how I long to see familiar faces – of acquaintances in the lift, of children who I’d seen growing up, even of the guards who complained constantly about H and N.

I’d tell you that the feeling had nothing to do with this house which is large and airy and spacious – something I’d always wanted. Why then, I’d wonder, was I missing the time when the children were right in my face, annoying me with their constant chatter? Perhaps it was simply because I hadn’t yet made friends and the house reflected my loneliness?

If we were having coffee I’d tell you that the neighbours were cordial enough but finding friends was another matter altogether. I’d wonder if it had something to do with age. Did we lose the ability to make friends as we grew older, I’d ask. I used to make friends easily. From people years older to those a decade or more younger, I could connect with everyone. When the children were younger I’d take them out to play and bump into someone and before we knew it we were friends bonding over the troubles of toddlerhood, moving onto work, books and films. It doesn’t seem that easy any longer. When did I get picky?

If we were having coffee I’d ask if you wanted a refill because I wasn’t quite done yet. Together we’d ponder over this whole friendship conundrum. You’d perhaps tell me that I was still settling in and that all would be well once the school routine set in. I’d take heart from that because I’d see the wisdom in what you said; perhaps I was being hasty.

I’d tell you how grateful I was for the hundred small things that needed to be done to get the house up and running. They filled up my day and brought a measure of satisfaction as I went about emptying cartons and ticking things off my list. I’d tell you of other things I was grateful for, of the many small blessings that have made the move easier. I’d tell what a huge comfort the kids had been through the shifting. You’d smile and remind me that H and N were no longer ‘kids’, a few days from their teens. And that would cheer me up for I have a special surprise planned for them.

If we were having coffee I’d tell you how your presence, though virtual, made me feel happier, lighter and that I was glad I had you around to unburden myself, as always.

What would you tell me if we were having coffee together?

Picture Credit: Pexels

 

Linking up with #ABloggingGoodTime.

“Reflections

44 Replies to “If we were having coffee together – 6”

  1. Hang in there! Moving and being in a new situation is always tough. I’m sure you will make lots of new friends, just give it time <3 If we were having coffee together I would tell you that I have always had trouble making friends, but the few I have are super close and extra special.

  2. Changing homes and neighborhoods is never easy, and I think the most difficult part is building new relationships. I am not sure if age is the only factor here, but it is definitely a big one for me. We all get more complacent & set in our ways, and it becomes difficult to trust and make friends easily. That being said, it’s never impossible.

    I hope you will be able to make newer connections and friendships in your new neighborhood while being able to maintain the older friendships from your earlier place.

    Lots of love & blessings to the newly minted teens!
    Shantala recently put up this amazing post…Dear Ijeawele – Best Quotes on How to Raise a FeministMy Profile

    1. Thanks Shantala – for those warm wishes for the house as well as for H and N. We’re more or less settled here and are growing to love the house. I’ve realised I’m not really in a hurry to make friends at all.

  3. Am going to rant along Tulika.. So I move every few years and do go through this. Every time I make a freind I move out . Over the years( read growing old), i have stopped bothering to make friends. May be I have become more rigid myself. I have sort of found my comfort zone in blogging and these virtual friends are now for real and more permanent.

  4. How I wish to have a cup of coffee with you! beautifully written. It is true that it is difficult to make friends now. But I’m glad that I found a blogging community and made some great friends like you. So when are we going to have that cup of coffee? 🙂
    Priya Bajpai recently put up this amazing post…A Spilled Drink #TellTaleThursdayMy Profile

  5. Congratulations for the new home! Yes, that’s what everybody says when we shift to a new place, and probably I am being the same nice person. But, ever did anybody realise that while shifting we are leaving something behind, actually a big part of ourselves? The memories, the dreams, the tits and bits of everyday life! But, life is about moving on ONLY. So, I hope and wish you create new memories and new hopes with your family at a new place, but not deleting rather adding to the old memories. Wish you good luck!

    1. Those are such words of wisdom. You are right when you say we leave a little bit of ourselves behind when we shift. But that’s life. And I do have a lot to be grateful for. Thanks for putting it in perspective :-).

  6. I was never good at making friends. So at this stage, I only have a handful. And I don’t even know what my neighbors look like. 😛 Moving home is always stressful. But a few months from now, hopefully, that feeling of “settled in” would soon comfort you.
    As for me, getting an uninterrupted sleep of 2 hours is an accomplishment these days 😛
    Rajlakshmi recently put up this amazing post…The Little ThingsMy Profile

    1. Aw sending you hugs Raj. I cannot even begin to compare my predicament with yours. A newborn is a lot of work. I do hope he finds his rhythm soon and you get some rest.

  7. I do think it gets harder to make friends as you grow older! But with some people you just have no choice – there’s such a connection. I hope you find one or two of those soon in the new place, T. Hugs.

  8. You want to know an uncomfortable truth? It’s been a little over 2 years since I moved into my new place. I feel exactly the same even today. I haven’t made close friends the way I did in the previous places that I lived. The kids are all grown up and there isn’t much opportunity to make small talk with the neighbours here. A part of me thinks it’s due to age. Another part of me thinks it’s sheer laziness. So you’re not alone.

    Kids growing up is also a blessing while also being a constant reminder that they are growing up. Parenting doesn’t get easier, does it? 🙂
    Shailaja Vishwanath recently put up this amazing post…Holidays and MusingsMy Profile

    1. It might be a bit of both I guess. I find myself a little reluctant to reach out and then driven by desperation I do. It definitely isn’t easy. We’d been in the old place for a good ten years. That makes a huge difference – the length of time. I had my book club so I got to know most of the kids closely and that was such a joy.

  9. If we were having coffee I would enjoy the smell of your chai, and listen to the sound of your voice as I had my hands wrapped around my cup because that comforts me. We would chatter about friendships and about our children growing up, I would ask whether you think I should move homes because I crave it so much. I would just love being near you instead of on the other side of the world so I could see your beautiful smile and when I leave I’d give you a warm embrace.
    Beautiful post, wish I was there! Thank you for linking up #ABloggingGoodTime

    1. Aw I wish we were closer too. I have to admit that during the move, virtual friendships that have seemed ever more real because these are the ones I’ve carried with me.

  10. Changing house is a bit of adjustment initially, but I’m sure as you fill new memories in this house you will feel comfortable again. We have been moving apartments every year till this year. Only this time we are staying in the same apartment for a second year. I get all nostalgic whenever we move and it has nothing to do with the house and everything to do with the time spent there. Kids are growing up so fast, aren’t they? My elder one is 9 and a half now. I can’t quite believe that I’m a decade old mother!
    I’m glad I was here to share a coffee with you, Tulika. It’s been so long since I wrote a post over coffee. Time to do that maybe. ❤️
    Vinitha recently put up this amazing post…Of another school-year and memories that stroll my wayMy Profile

    1. There’s definitely some truth in what you say. We’d been in that house since the kids were three and in the complex since even before that. So we had plenty of memories.
      I find coffee posts very relaxing – they really help me vent, specially when I’m low.

  11. Love this candid, heart felt piece of writing, Tulika. I’ve always loved how you seamlessly put together your thoughts and feelings.
    I can imagine the void despite the new beginnings. I’m sure you will settle in wonderfully with the passage of time.

    Blessings to the tweens as they turn teens. You have yourself a wonderful month ahead and know that life will unfold it’s mysterious pages each day at a time bringing forth the best.

    Love and light ♥️

    https://natashamusing.com/2019/06/five-things-that-sparked-joy-recently-wordlesswednesday/

  12. You know Tulika, I went through the exact same emotions when I moved houses last year. A strange emptiness and lack of friends made me moody and broody( if that’s word). But, with time it all got better, even better than I had thought. And, I’m not a person who.makes friends easily and with age this trait has become more set. Yet, I have managed to find some.like minded friends. So will.you. There will be a new routine and new circle that you’ll grow to.enjoy. Hang in there! Love and hugs 🙂

    1. Thank you Uma. Keeping my fingers crossed. Yup I’ve been moody and broody too :-). In fact some days when the kids are fooling around I get so annoyed and then I wonder why. I’m hoping I find like-minded people soon. Settling in is painful.

  13. Awwww, this post warms the cockles of my heart. So heart-felt and genuine this is <3

    If we were having coffee together I'd tell you what a wonderful job you were doing handling everything that comes your way. Right from the kids, to the nitty-gritty aspects at settling down. I'd tell you how amazing you are for carrying that piece of nostalgia with you, for noticing every aspect of the place you left behind. Lastly, I'd tell you how proud we all are watching you get past all the challenges that come your way, that inspires us day after day.

    Nothing else to tell you about me. Let it be all about you today.

    Hugs!
    Soumya recently put up this amazing post…Book Review: The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas – John BoyneMy Profile

    1. That would be the best cup of coffee I had Soumya, only for the conversation that came with it. Thank you so very much. How’s your shifting coming along? We’re still struggling with getting things in place but at least the basic are there now.

  14. Yes, I will tell you it is just the initial days of settling down in the new house new place. You are a warm person and before it is long you will befriend fabulous people. H and N are soon to become teenagers and their birthday is just around the corner, oh what fun. They have grown up and so you would be spared the joy of mall hoppings as in the earlier years and which brought a smile on our faces but the sweetest children they will always be. And, of course, you have virtual friends who are more real in the real sense than virtual.
    My word – Tulika Singh is completely fine 🙂 🙂
    To be candid, I was sipping my milky white tea all along being there chatting with you while you were having your chai, without the milk I suppose.
    Anamika Agnihotri recently put up this amazing post…A refugee’s heart #BookBytes 5My Profile

    1. First things first – I like milk in my tea. Your comment always makes me smile Anamika. Thanks to all this venting I have been better than I was at the beginning of this week. I am hoping I will be better than completely fine soon enough :-).

  15. If we were having coffee together, I would first tell you how beautiful you write, Tulika! I swoon over your posts, really!
    About making friends, I too felt that way an year ago. The place where we lived earlier, I had just one friend and one acquaintance (!) and, the rest of the people…I couldn’t imagine making friends with them as we had nothing in common.
    But, then, Life changed, I changed, and then I became a better friend to myself. Maybe it’s because I am my own best friend, I find it easy now to talk to people, make friends with them (and keep some distance, at the same time). Even with acquaintances in this place, I can talk better than I did earlier, and at times, I forget their names, but we can carry long conversations. Not deep ones, but talk about this or that for about 15 minutes or so. And, that for me is quite an achievement!

    I am sure you will make new friends once you settle down here and get into a routine.

    Much love!
    Shilpa Gupte recently put up this amazing post…Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – Are you a victim?My Profile

    1. Thank you for that generous compliment Shilpa. We’ve talked about this earlier – about being comfortable being on your own, being your own best friend and I do get that. I am happy for you. Sometimes a 15 minute conversation about nothing in particular with someone we might not even know too well, is all one needs. Just hoping for things to fall into place.

  16. Ah the settling in blues. I can imagine how it must be tough. There is that comfort in the familiar when you step out of the house and see familiar faces, even nooks and corners. I am someone who is friendly but doesn’t make close friends very soon. Perhaps. I don’t like people getting close to me too soon so I hold back and I don’t mind that either. But yes, like you mentioned, I would tell you that it is early days and yes you will feel comfortable in this home, just give it time. Amazing that H and N have turned 13. God bless them! And hopefully give you extra strength to deal with teenage challenges. ;-P
    Rachna Parmar recently put up this amazing post…Back to School – Routine is BackMy Profile

    1. Hah ha thanks for those wishes Rachna. I’m all geared up for teenage challenges.
      I don’t make friends easily too, though I have a large range of acquaintances. Even that is s relief, a familiar face, a smile and a hello – even that feels good. That’s what I miss here. I do get though that it’s early days yet.

  17. Tulika.. maybe have another cup of coffee and relax. I was in similar situation last year. My brother told me it will take me 6 months to settle down and I laughed at him. But, it did take me 6 months I think before I could find anything I looked for. The first month, I hated the shift though I was the one who had irritated my husband till he had agreed to shift. But, give it some time. My teenaged son made friends very fast and now he is happy here. My elder son still sticks to his old friends. I am glad I moved as I have discovered a great friend in my sister-in-law as we stay in the same society. My brother is the happiest now.
    Lata Sunil recently put up this amazing post…Faith by Devdutt Pattanaik #BookReviewMy Profile

    1. That’s wonderful Lata. When you have a family member close by and you get along with her/him too, there’s no blessing better than that. My sister-in-law is a huge help too, specially in my husband’s absence. I don’t know what I’d have done without her. Unfortunately the move has taken me further away from her – not too far but further than I originally was.

  18. I loved reading this. If we were having coffee, I’d tell you I am not feeling overly happy at the moment and that this moment is just what I need to help soothe my soul.
    thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

  19. Hi Tulika, it has been a while since I visited your blog. It feels good to listen to your home shifting stories and how you miss the old people and things around. Well, making new friends may or may not depend on the age factor. I have become much friendly through my blogging as compared to my old times.

    1. Virtual friends is a whole different matter Geethica and I have plenty of them and am really grateful for them too. However, sometimes one needs a physical presence to unburden oneself. That’s what I miss. The free flowing conversation that’s possible when someone’s sitting face to face across from you is a whole different thing.

  20. Well change is always harder to deal with as you get older . I suppose you are used to certain things but you’ll get used to your new home by and by.
    As for me , I’m finding changes too : and I can’t seem to understand my reaction to them .

    1. There was a time I used to enjoy change. Each time we shifted I used to look forward to setting up the house afresh, not so any longer. Routine is comforting now and the struggle to get the house in order just gets a bit much.

  21. Loved reading this OM.. feels so much like we’re having a cuppa together!! I’m sure you’ll settle in nicely …in time 🙂 Curious about the surprise planned for the to-be teens!
    Me.. will be going on my first onsite trip end of June.. makes me excited and nervous all at once 🙂 wondering how/what i’ll eat and how i’ll get by with strangers all around!! even though i’m going only for 2 weeks 😀

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