Obsessivemom needs a break

0 Flares Filament.io 0 Flares ×
The OM is upset. It’s the kids. They have been giving her a specially rough time. Put it down to the long Diwali break, the absence of the husband or simply to the twins’ terrible tweens. She’s been by turns, angry, hurt and frustrated. So she seeks out her better self – The Sane Mum. You might remember her from here here or here 
OM: Did you just see how the twins spoke to me? How unappreciative and ungrateful they have become? And how very rude!
SM: I did. Have you noticed that they’re growing up?
OM: I have. But does that mean they have to be rude and argumentative all the time? They’re children still and I am still their mum. I still AM the older one around here. Or does no one remember that any longer?
SM: It might do well for you to remember that you are the older one here. You aren’t really handling this like a grown up. Actually, I’ve been waiting awhile to have this conversation.
I’ve watched you being drawn into long fruitless arguments. I see you realising you’re going nowhere and yet unable to stop.
I’ve seen the endless war of wills and watched them all end badly.
I’ve seen you get into control freak mode the more they resist; the more you control the more they resist.
I’ve watched the kids trying to assert their independence and also seen with regret how you’ve waited for them to fail.
And then you’ve been ready with your ‘I told you sos’.
I’ve seen Mushy Mum (MM) run and hide till Mean Mum (MeM) takes over and then I’ve been witness to your heartfelt regret.
Cut them, and yourself, some slack will you!
OM: So you’ve been having a laugh at my expense? Well, they might THINK they’re grown up but I still have to guide them in a hundred things. They NEED me still. 
SM: … and they always will. But perhaps it’s time to guide them not by holding their hand and leading them but simply by showing them the way.
OM: It’s just easier to pull them along.
SM: Sure is. Keep doing that and watch them run the other way.
OM: There’s no need to get sarcastic.
SM: Uh okay..sorry. I kind of know how you feel. It’s the way you’re made – manufactured to obsess. But you need a makeover, and fast, or you’re set to lose them.
OM (panicking): Lose them? 
SM: Yeah. You need to remember that the kids are no longer babies. What worked for you might not work for them … or it may … they want to figure it out themselves. Let them do it. They need a break from your obsessing.
OM: So it’s all my fault? Exactly whose side are you on?
SM: Their’s. But so are you, aren’t you? We’re all on the same side.
OM: Yeah right but I don’t want to leave.
MM: Nor do I. They just don’t want me around these days.
SM: I don’t think ANY of us wants to leave. But OM you need to change into me, or at least disguise yourself really well as me. As for MM, you need to be around too but don’t ever, ever show up in public. Keep those hugs and kisses in check. When the two of you are in your element there really is no space for me. And you do need me most at this point of time.
OM: You’re unbearably pompous. So the two of us should go into hiding while you rule the roost?
SM: That’s right. Unless you want to lose the kids.
OM: No no of course not. I’ll give it a shot but I have a feel this is going to be a rough ride. Sigh!
0 Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Buffer 0 Filament.io 0 Flares ×

17 thoughts on “Obsessivemom needs a break

  • November 28, 2015 at 6:44 pm
    Permalink

    I adore these conversations because I have the exact same ones almost everyday myself! Don't worry, Tulika. It gets easier and harder as they age, we know that. Let's just hang on and enjoy the ride 🙂

    Reply
    • November 29, 2015 at 4:42 pm
      Permalink

      It's hard to reconcile oneself to this new avatar. They suddenly seem so grown up they argue about everything and yet they're such babies in so many other ways. Guess it would be even more confusing for them. Easier and harder – you said it Shailaja.

      Reply
  • November 27, 2015 at 9:41 pm
    Permalink

    A tough ride, but oh how wonderful – in the long run that is…. All of a sudden they are grown ups- (but you will still be an om I think, as I am….:-) Hahahah- enjoy sweetie – stay blessed:-)

    Reply
    • November 28, 2015 at 3:14 pm
      Permalink

      Glad to hear the OM never does die out completely. Thanks for those words Eli.

      Reply
  • November 26, 2015 at 10:14 am
    Permalink

    🙂 You're going to be laughing at this conversation in a few years' time, Ms.Om/Sm! hehehe Hugs.Sorry I am laughing – but you're going to miss this. Hugs and love, again!

    Reply
    • November 26, 2015 at 5:08 pm
      Permalink

      Tell me something – is it even possible for someone to stop being an OM? Ever?

      Reply
    • November 28, 2015 at 6:55 pm
      Permalink

      That's easy to answer. NO as long as one's alive; and YES. When the last breath is taken. Hugs!

      Reply
  • November 25, 2015 at 6:36 pm
    Permalink

    Its is so true, every tired parent feels pulling is easier than showing way! Very well said. Pulling is easier than showing..

    Reply
    • November 26, 2015 at 5:08 pm
      Permalink

      Tell me about it Sapana. Showing the way is exhausting.

      Reply
  • November 25, 2015 at 11:40 am
    Permalink

    Aww! I feel for OM, but agree with SM as her suggestions would work better and are good for all in the long run too. So, go on and listen to SM. In the meantime, a big hug for the OM! ♥

    Reply
    • November 26, 2015 at 5:07 pm
      Permalink

      Thanks Shilpa. SM's suggestions are way more easily given than followed.

      Reply
  • November 25, 2015 at 9:38 am
    Permalink

    This conversation was exactly what I needed to hear today Tulika….its really reassuring to have that same mom pop out once in a while and give us OMs a little kick….thanks

    Reply
    • November 26, 2015 at 5:07 pm
      Permalink

      Glad you agree Gowri. It's hard to convince the OM :-). Yeah she needs that kick.

      Reply
  • November 25, 2015 at 1:21 am
    Permalink

    The perennial struggle for power between the head and the heart!!

    Best wishes!! 🙂

    Reply
    • November 26, 2015 at 5:06 pm
      Permalink

      I'm forcing myself to use my mind – it's all heart here for now Deepak.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge